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Something to amuse you while I'm out. As in, out the house

Me & my bloke have very differing opinions on MJ's death. You lot feel differently too. That's ok

I've been utterly gob-smacked this whole week. Firstly, by Michael's death. Then by the interest in it (I'm not surprised at all NOW), and thirdly by the folk creeping outta the woodwork with stories.

There's a few reasons it's been the first thing I think of when I get up interested me. Obviously, I feel for him because of the damage done to his ego, his SELF. How do you deal with something so painful while you're immensely talented and (it feels like) the whole world is watching your every move.

I believe he was so damaged that he looked to children, the ones he felt were pure and not vindictive. He was paranoid, scared of other adults because he'd been sheltered to some extent and could never know what they really want with all the hangers-on. Not to mention the physical and emotional abuse. He soon learnt that children when led by greedy adults can become vindictive. That must've battered his head in a bit. I DON'T believe he was a paedo. Doesn't matter what anyone says. I don't believe it. If I'm wrong ... we'll never know. Bite me.

It breaks my heart seeing all the things that could've gone another way, a better way. I reckon a lot are following the story because of that.

He was another human. It all went wrong. I think that's about it really.

Don't we all know someone who went through hellish stuff, got fucked up but smiled through the pain and tried to find ways to make it better? Obviously, I admire that, I'm a moody cow

Isn't fair.

(please don't shout at me)

Did pilates.

Sat on doggies. They're a right laugh, so therapeutic. I still smell of doggy licks.

Oot again tomorrow.

I think the connection for my vibrating cushion is jiggered. Got a new adaptor. AC to AC, right connections, right polarity thingy. Nothing

Works with batteries though. Maplins are pretty cool so I'll take the adaptor back tomorrow.

I was wondering ... what do you all have on your Sky+ box. Obviously I mean the folk that have one.

My list goes:-

Mr Deeds
Shaun of the Dead
Dogma
The Chronicles of Narnia
Ray
Little Miss Sunshine
Amelie
The Da Vinci Code
Snatch
Omid Djalili
Glastonbury 2009
Glastonbury 2009
The Wright Stuff
Madonna: Sticky & Sweet Tour (not recorded yet)

I'm just nosy

Child maintenance due on Friday (last week) ... didn't show up

Checked Saturday, no. Sunday, no. Monday, no.

Phoned CSA. They said it wasn't paid to them! Ex has no idea why bank didn't pay.

I've had enough of this. Gonna do a direct debit every month.

He says he'll phone them tomorrow and drop the full amount to me tomorrow at lunchtime. Phew!

Many people fight for a piece of that

Tired.

Tired of everything. Wish my pain relief was sorted out. I don't want to be on valium and codeine every 5 weeks.

Oh yeah, and I think I'm going mad. For ages I thought I had 2 different personalities. Fairly sure I'm not schizophrenic though.

Puzzled. Life is weird and brains are weirder.

My lifestyle is not normal. Why would anyone want a part of that? Run. Far, far away.

I tagged a post by La Spice. It was a delightful picture of 2 wee boys, one brown and one white. "Ebony & Ivory" with some lyrics typed underneath it. I can't remember if the lyrics were from ebony & ivory or black & white, whichever. The reason I tagged it was because I found the added lyrics so damn twee.

The tag was NOT racist How could "omg" be construed as racist?

It was tagged flippantly, without much thought or nastiness!

Delete me as you wish!

I didn't mean any harm, it was cowardly though.

Still amused by the 'afterwards' post though. Wish it was left undeleted.

... today. Which is weird as the night before I didn't sleep much at all and I'd had valium for my back. Last night I decided not to have any :))

So. Odd dreams. Awake/asleep dreams. Remember someone was going on about doing a Blog Guys calendar? Well ...

I dreamt that we did the blog guys calendar but it was a different nob for each month. I called it 'Blog Meat'.

Whoever could guess which nob belonged to which blogger would win a prize.

The prize was ... the rest of blog kicking their head in 

I wasn't gonna blog this but someone thought yooz would get a good giggle out of it *snitter*

1. What is your earliest memory of Michael Jackson??

I vaguely remember The Jackson Five when I was little. I wasn't all that impressed with the dancing in a line thingy. I liked their stuff since then though. Wish he'd not changed himself

2. Do you have a most favourite Michael Jackson song?

Man In The Mirror.

3. Could the boy dance or could he dance??

He could dance but I prefer JT and the likes, to be honest.

4. Have you ever been lucky enough to see MJ or the Jackson 5 in concert?

I have not.

5. How cool would it be to have your very own Never Never Land all in the back garden of your house?

I'd love to have an adult-sized specially built theme park of my very own. You'd all be invited every weekend for continuous blog meets

oscillating fan

I kinda love you

Very patchy sleep last night. The pain killers hadn't built up enough in my system to block it, and the relaxant just didn't.

In spite of that, I feel massively better (mentally) today and a little bit better (physically). I think that's more to do with the 'hormones dying down a bit'

I've often wondered if a hysterectomy would help. But going through 'the change' brings its own emotional dramas

At the moment, I feel like I've had a monsterectomy. I'm gonna go with the "yay! freedon" rather than the guilt

Had to get a new kettle as The Biggest Kettle in Blogland™ is leaking, and water & electricity are a bit worrying.

Went to Starbucks and sat outside for a couple. Beautiful day, cool breeze where we sat.

That was as much as I could manage today but hopefully I'll be back to normal soon.

M'off ... it's soap time xxx

Agony. Back in spasm again.

Did the dog-sitting thing. Lovely. Bouncy doggies, full of slurp.

Ex collected me and the lad from doggie house (it's near his school) and took us to the presentation.

Mayor there, police folk and council dudes. They got to know the kids a lot better on that week. 2 of the police went for a couple of days to join them. Mini got a First Aid cert., climbing cert. and a canoeing cert. Lots more activities during the summer. Woo!

One of the male youth leaders pal'd up with ma boy and has burned a CD full of instrumental hiphop and grunge. They have open mic sessions at a place nearby. That suits his wee group of pals, they reckon to be the next generation of Eminems

♪ "My mom loved Valium, and lots of drugs ..." ♪

*gubbin one*

I signed into my mail account to be greeted by this ...

... it bloody wasn't.

enjoyable

blog

I found it cos a friend of mine follows this on Twitter.

See story two posts down for similar to this

I don't like this any more than you do

Hate the paranoia and insecurity stuff, it's grips like a vice. All sensibilities are oot the windae.

Wish there was a pill for it.

Issues spring up from whence they were buried. Vulnerable, much. Stoopid me.

---

Apparently the lad went out looking for MW the other night, after her singing and shouting at me. Took two friends with him. She was still on the bench.

"Why d'you keep screaming at my mum?"

*can in hand* "I'd never hurt your mum, I'd guard her wiff moi loife I would, guard her wiff moi loife ... hit me if ya like, I'd never do anything to ... blahblah" (in a weird accent)

Bizarre.

---

He went to a (supposed) BBQ on one of the parks. A school friend's birthday. Was delivered back to me at 8.30 by one of the girls mums.

He hands me an empty plastic bag, falls into my arms.

Frosty Jack, scrumpy. Nothing to eat all day

He's doesn't plan to do this again. Result.

I knew he'd forget his bedroom was downstairs

I couldn't relax till he'd stopped falling downstairs and puking gone to sleep in a safe position.

He had to go to his dad's the next day

I LIKE being a liberal parent. There are pros & cons to every style. He shows a maturity that surprises me at times. After him confessing to smoking for 3 months when I didn't know ... he told me the other week that he'd stopped for 6 days. I didn't guilt him and moan, it didn't work for me. He chose not to do it himself. I have every hope that he'll be able to do this with most things that come his way. You can't ask for much more from yer child ... self-regulation is a good start.

---

Am doggie-sitting tomorrow, then off to the youth project thingy for his presentation. The kids got some certificates while they were on that activity holiday. Woo!

(I’m working in the customer service area when a woman approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, we are late for the movie…”

Me: “Okay, would you like to wait for the next show or get a refund?”

Customer: “No. Could you please rewind the movie back to the beginning?”

Me: “…rewind the movie?”

Customer: “Yes, you know…PUSH rewind so we can see it from the beginning.”

Me: “Uh ma’am, these aren’t like VCRs or DVD players…these are huge projectors that can’t be rewound. Besides that, there are already other people in the theatre. All I can do is give you tickets for the next show or a refund.”

Customer: *exasperated* “NEVER MIND!”

From ... (The Customer is) Not Always Right.

Emotional day for many.

♥

Thinking about making this more journal-like, less interactive.

It is a journal after all.

More shit from Mad Woman.

Walked to P.O. to post dad's present, spotted her on the bench across the road. Kept my head down. Had to cross to the chemist, tried to do it without going to the crossing, so I wouldn't have to pass her but the traffic wouldn't let up.

Over at the crossing, passed her, two older men on bench chatting to her. Came back out chemist, walked past behind her *something shouted at me*

*threw it a deefie*

Into Co-op and got stuff. Out again and waited at crossing to continue home. Wow! Not much abuse today.

Once I crossed the road ... *shouting and singing something at me*

Refused to turn round. I think my ex was right on that point ... don't let the cunts see they've got to you.

A workable solution would be if she was banned from this area. It's where she targets all her ex friends. Really doubt the police would do that though.

I suppose I'll have to look into getting an exchange.

Squashing anger down doesn't work.

Anger is, contrary to popular opinion, a neutral emotion.

We all have our ways of dealing with it, some punch people, some drink, some bitch, some lecture, some cut, some puke, some starve, some write, some ... blah blah blah. These, apart from the last one named, would be considered 'negative' directions for dealing with anger.

We all have a right to let it out and we choose our method by what is familiar to us, what we can cope with at any given time.

Stifled emotion can cause all kinds of illnesses and/or personality disorders. I won't list them.

It doesn't deplete your brain cells though. You may know very well all the things you have to do to stop those anger triggers ... I could list those here too, I won't ... but there are often a few different reasons as to why you can't reach that goal yet.

None of these reasons can be controlled by force. Being able to deal with things that cause stress/anger/etc. is a natural progression. The best way to begin is by practising with SAFE people.

A safe person may be unsafe for one but safe for another, depending on either's character. We all have our Achilles Heel after all. If you have no safe people the process will take much longer.

It may feel like you'll never be able to tell that annoying 'friend' that you don't like novelty teapots and they're totally cluttering up your kitchen, or that they completely overstepped the line when they choose your meal for you every time you go out. It may even be something as simple as asking someone what they meant as something they said made you feel uncomfortable.

I could go on and on and on about this, and maybe I will in comments.

But I need to go to the shop, so you'll have to leave while I get ready.

Is that ok?

Kissed any one of your blog friends? Yes, just the one

Been arrested? Yes

Kissed someone you didn't like? Yes

Slept in until 5 PM? Yes

Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes

Held a snake? No

Ran a red light? No

Been suspended from school? Yes

Experienced love at first sight? No

Totalled your car in an accident? No

Been fired from a job? Yes

Fired somebody? No

Sang karaoke? Yes

Pointed a gun at someone? Yes

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes

Laughed until something you were drinking or eating came out your nose? Yes

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes

Had a close brush with death? Yes

Played spin-the-bottle? No

Sang in the shower? Yes

Smoked a cigar? No

Sat on a rooftop? Yes

Smuggled something into another country? Does Scotland to England count? (Yes)

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? No

Broken a bone? Yes, several

Skipped school? Oh yes

Sleepwalked? No

Walked a moonlit beach? Yes

Rode a motorcycle? Yes

Dumped someone? Yes

Forgotten your anniversary? Yes

Lied to avoid a ticket? No

Ridden on a helicopter? No

Shaved your head? Yes, twice

Played a prank on someone? Yes

Hit a home run? No

Felt like killing someone? Yes

Cross-dressed? No

Been falling-down drunk? Oh yes

Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes

Eaten snake? No

Marched/Protested? Yes

Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? No

Puked on amusement ride? No

Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? Probably

Been in a band? No

Knitted? Yes

Been on TV? Yes

Shot a gun? No

Skinny-dipped? No

Gave someone stitches? No

Eaten a whole habenero pepper? No

Ridden a surfboard? No

Drank straight from a liquor bottle? Yes

Had surgery? Yes

Streaked? No

Taken by ambulance to hospital? Yes

Tripped on mushrooms? Oh yes

Passed out when not drinking? No

Peed on a bush? Yes

Donated Blood? Yes

Grabbed electric fence? No

Eaten alligator meat? No

Eaten your kids' Halloween candy? Yes

Killed an animal when not hunting? No

Peed your pants in public? No

Written graffiti? Yes

Still love someone you shouldn't? No

Think about the future? Yes

Been in handcuffs? Yes

Believe in love? Yes

Sleep on a certain side of the bed? At the moment, yes. It changes.