Not able to follow other people's chain (train?) of thought ... the little intricacies of other people's noises, gestures, signals that we give each other. I get lost. Facial expressions - I know I read them wrongly now ... if it's less than smiley I think they are annoyed with me. I thought that came from my childhood. When mum looked at me I felt like I musta done summat wrong. Mibbe it wasn't her mibbe it was me?

Am I missing something? Something others were given at conception? Something learned through growth from childhood to adolescence, adolescence to adulthood? It worries me and I feel lost.

Every so often I lose the connections of memories that bond me with people. Start afresh, unsure if any of that actually happened. Did it?

---

My head got fucked in a car crash years ago. Fractured/concussion. They did an ECT (? mibbe it's ECG? EEG? FUCK) test ... it was fine. When I got all stressy, after a kinda breakdown when I was 21/22 I asked them to do the test again. It was fine.

---

Floating around ... disconnected. Trying not to let go ... of the smoke-filled air that surrounds and stabilises.

Has anyone else been having problems when they click on 'comments'?

Sometimes just the post comes up with no comments in it. Also after posting a comment - when the page rolls over there doesn't seem to be anything there.

Can't imagine they're working on anything at this time on a Friday night

It's been mildly stressful today, one way or another.

* The official-type person arrived and interviewed me. (stress)

* My neighbour's pram got delivered here (not stressful but thought I'd add it in cos it fills it out a bit )

* My toothbrush didn't get delivered yet. (mild stress)

* My doctor's appointment was fine, but there'll be a follow-up. I'll tell you about that if necessary. (stress)

(NO, I'm NOT pregnant, or anything like that)

and

* The person who might have visited - didn't. (not stress)

There were 4 x 12 yr old boys here again, they were well-behaved and they went swimming for a while *phew* nice healthy pastime

I'm reading a book called "Boundaries with Kids" now. It's fantastic. It all applies to adults too - so I'm gonna parent myself

If my leccie toothbrush doesn't come tomorrow ...

... I'll sqweam and sqweam and sqweam until I make mythelf thick

*sigh*

I have an official-type person coming to talk to me about summat tomorrow

also

someone has threatened to visit

also

I have a doctor's appointment later on

I hope none of them overlap

For Andy ....

My day went quite well too. Went to town with P as usual for a Thursday.

Had lunch in Starbucks, in Borders. P's bezzy mate A arrived with her wee yin ... 2yr old I. Mega cute. She brought her up learning baby sign language and you can tell cos she's a bright and communicative wee soul. No tantrums. A is 6 days overdue with her 2nd child. Had a lovely blether, shared our cakes with I I played at chase with her, between the rows of books.

A bloke came over, drawn by the laughter. He was bouncing from one foot to the other. P is medically trained and informed me it's a symptom of cerebral palsy. He was mega shy. But at the same time was unaware of the social boundaries that stop people walking up and talking to strangers. So innocent. I was overcome with shyness and wouldn't shake his hand. So I did. Well I tried but he said he was shy, but he did manage it eventually. Bless.

It kinda halts you for a moment when you see and become aware of folk with much more difficult issues to deal with. *sigh*

Stocked up on batteries for my radio and rechargeable ones for my camera

Wandered round in the sunshine with wee cheeky monkey saying cute things and making us laugh.

Smooth day

The wee yin had a friend staying last night ... LW's son.

Oh don't look at me like that ... I've had a few chats with him and told him I like him but not his behaviour. I figured if he knew that he'd be less likely to see adults as 'the others'

Anyway, 2 other friends dropped by so there have been 4 x 12/13 yr olds in my house all frickin day. I'm sick of hearing them bicker and jostle for position of Top Dog amongst themselves. Competitive little buggers aren't they, boys?

Did some weeding (hahahahahaha) in the garden. Jeez. Filled a full-sized green wheelie bin! And I've only done half of it! I have to wait till a week on Monday before the bin gets emptied again

There's a Jasmine creeper huge fuckin triffid eating my garden and sneaking into my shed. I ripped half of it to shreds today

The ex sprinkled loads of seeds into the soil some months back, and before that decided that adding a variety of wild grass seeds would be a great idea. It looks minging ... like no-one has ever done anything to it. So I'm howking (Scottish word) the lot out ... it will be totally bare by the time I've finished.

I'm gonna shove shrubs that are easy to prune into it and eventually get the path knocked out and re-built. Dunno how I'll do it but I will. We both use bikes as our main transport and they can only enter and exit using the back gate, which the path leads up to (obviously)

I'd also like to make some kinda barrier between my garden and the back path, cos anyone can walk down there and it bugs me when I'm sitting out back.

Where to start? Gah!

oh ... and I wonder how many on blog will relate to this

I looked on the Jodi Picoult website and found a message board. Discussions about all of her books. On the thread about this book someone had written this ...

My aunt e-mailed Jodi Picoult regarding the ending. Here is her reply:

At the end of Keeping Faith, I wanted you to feel like Mariah and Millie and Ian and everyone else who comes into contact with Faith - like you've had to rethink what you believe. Whether you think she's a prophet or a messiah or a fake, she is ultimately a little girl who hasn't had her mom's attention before. And AT THAT MOMENT she does fake speaking to God, because she isn't willing to lose that attention. That said, I don't personally believe that Faith is faking all along - I think that God moves onto someone more needy in that last scene. But I did want you to remember that above all else, she's a kid - lest you fall into the same mistake that some of the media did during the course of the book.

... which was along the lines that I was hoping she meant the ending to be.

*phew*

Finished my book earlier today ... damn that was good.

Not so sure about the ending though - I was expecting a neat little dissatisfying ending, with all the ends tied up, that seemed to be written a bit fast cos the author was bored by then.

It left too many questions, and while I know that's a good thing, it's pissed me off a bit

Back cover ...

Mariah White thought her life was pretty much perfect. A wife and mother was all she ever wanted to be.

So when she catches her husband with another woman, her world falls apart. And when her daughter, Faith, begins to confide in an imaginary friend, her own brush with insanity takes on a darker meaning.

Then Faith appears to start performing miracles, and all at once the situation is spiralling beyond Mariah's control. Is Faith truly seeing God? Or is she just a troubled little girl seeking refuge from her parents' divorce? And is Mariah fighting for what's best for her child? Or a desperate mother using her daughter to get the world's attention?

When it comes to matters of faith, it's hard to know who to believe ...

If you've read this book ... what did you make of the ending?

I couldn't work out if it was the suggested 'somatoform disorder' or something else. If it was it doesn't explain the healing of the baby from AIDS, or the people in hospital healed from AIDS, or her grandma's 'resurrection'. Does that mean the author was saying God's presence had left Faith? It seemed like the author was hinting something in the last paragraph ... and I don't know what

Pah!

*edit I found on this site quite a few others were bugged about the ending. There's a message board on there if you click around

back to bed, to read

Latest book ... Jodi Picoult 'Keeping Faith'

It's pretty good so far xxx

kevinwilson was talking about this on his blog earlier.

I went to the website and took the test ...

Home
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Search the Programme

BA Personality Survey

Feedback

Highest score = Relatively high; lowest score = Relatively low.
You scored as follows on the five major personality dimensions:

# The first dimension is Extroversion. People with a relatively low score in this dimension could be considered aloof and quiet. Relatively high scorers are outgoing and enthusiastic, often termed 'Wanderers' by personality experts.
Your score was: Medium Low

# The second dimension is Neuroticism. The lower your score the more emotionally stable you will be. High scorers are prone to stress and will be categorised as 'Worriers'.
Your score was: Relatively High

# The third dimension is Conscientiousness. Relatively high scorers will be organised, but can also be quite rigid and inflexible. They will often be seen as 'Controllers'; on the other hand a relatively low score can indicate that although spontaneous you can be careless.
Your score was: Medium Low

# The fourth dimension is Agreeableness. Relatively high scorers are trusting and would be classified as 'Empathizers', very people focused and sociable. Having a relatively low score indicates that you are not at all focussed on other people.
Your score was: Medium High

# The fifth dimension is Openness. High scorers in this dimensions are usually imaginative and eccentric, open to different experiences. They are often termed the 'Poets' by personality experts. Relatively low scorers are practical and grounded and can be relied upon. However they can be closed to new experiences.
Your score was: Medium High

Dunno what I think about it really ... I shall ponder a while ...

LINKY

Man, that strikes a note ...

Sunny again

Went into town with P for lunch.

I hadn't had brekkie yet cos I really had to drag myself outta bed this morning, wash hair, have bath and try to look human for her arriving at 11am.

So it was kinda brunch *shudder* except I hate that word.

Tatties ... for a Full Monty breakfast ... mmmm mushroom water LOL

Looked in cute shops ... Breeze, Past Times, Lakeland ... ok I know Lakeland isn't particularly cute but they have gadgets, kitchen gadgets. I can justify buying those

Had chai latte in Borders/Starbucks, with a strawberry tart which dripped all down my right hand, watched the blokes next to us ears perk up when I mentioned Facebook to my pal That'll teach them for labelling us

Shit. Do I look like an old foagie? Yeah, so I do the 'ladies who lunch' bit with P but ... come on!!!

Gah ... I've lost momentum That's what happens when you get distracted

this time by zen stone play lists and A having an ebay bidding war

Was lovely today

All shiny and yellow and blue out there *points*

So I wandered into town with my book and camera

Stopped at Argos to buy a very small MP3 player ... the Zen Stone ( 1GB )

sat on the grass here ...

wandered round here ...

went for an espresso frescatti (small)

then wandered home via here ...

I've sussed out my MP3 player (dead simple one really) uploaded my photies (yes, we're all going photo mad) and troughed all the Sour Cream & Chive Rice Pringles. I'm moving onto the little bag of pepperamis soon and I just don't bluddy care

Happy daze {{{mwah}}}

Feeling mildly bleak tonight.

Dunno why.

I can still smile though see

Started by kevinwilson

1. Name the most perfect holiday of your dreams - where would you go?

Venice

2. How would you get there - luxury cruise, rolls royce, a ride on my back...?

Aeroplane ... then gondola

3. Name the person you'd like to be there with you

Andy

4. Name the drink you would order from the beach bar - a bottle of...?

Baileys

5. What would you order for dinner?

Risotto followed by something light ... Gelatti(?)

I stumbled on this and it's very very funny

No, not this one ...

Go and read this

It's dead funny

Relentless by Simon Kernick

It was given to me by P on my birthday and I finished it an hour ago. I started it a couple of days ago, sat up till 2.30am this morning reading it, slept, started reading it again.

Ace.

A thriller.

Synopsis

John Meron, a happily married father of two who's never been in trouble, receives a phone call that will change his life for ever: his friend Jack Calley, a high-flying City lawyer, is screaming down the phone for help. As Meron listens, Calley is murdered. His last words, spoken to his killer, are the first two lines of Meron's address. Confused and terrified, Meron scoops up his children and hurries out of the house. Just in time. Within minutes, a car pulls up outside, and three men get out. It's clear that they're coming for him. He's being hunted and has no idea why. And with his wife missing, an unidentified corpse in her office, and the police after him for murder, his life's about to get one hell of a lot worse.

It was one of the books from Richard & Judy's latest book club. I've not been following any of that so I dunno what any of the others are like but I saw them reviewing this.

I didn't want to put it down. It's the sort of book you can imagine being turned into a film. Is that a good thing or bad? I guess it means I could see the characters in my head.

xxx

*snigger*

Blimey, Hekkie. Everyone's finding otter stuff for ya! I just got this from popbitch ...

Otters - they've always been news.

From the Venerable Bede's Life of St Cuthbert
of Lindisfarne, 721 AD.

"One bitter night in winter as Cuthbert knelt
thus in the snow after his plunge, blue with
cold, two brown otters came up out of the sea
and stole to Cuthbert's side. And as he
prayed, not noticing them at all, they licked
his poor frozen feet, trying to warm them,
and rubbed against him with their thick, soft
fur till he was dry again. Thus the water-
creatures did their little best for him who
loved them and who had done so much for others."

OMG ... I'm so damn curious!

A new subscriber and I don't know who it is!!!

*gnaws fingernails*

*gulp*

have a toon ...

aw go on then ... have another since I'm in a good mood ...

I did this to my toothbrush the other month day ...

... when I dropped it on the bathroom floor. It's been working fine for weeks the past wee while since I put sellotape round it to stop water getting inside it but now it's kaput

Can anyone recommend an electric toothbrush? This one cost too much ages ago, but I know they're down in price a bit now.

Thank you

linky

linky

I phoned LW to go over yesterday's events (re: the kids being pesky)

No, I didn't tell her that Mini is banned from seeing her son

I hate myself for that. Yacked on the phone, feeling very 2 faced because (here's the really fucking embarrassing bit) I'm scared of her.

There ya go - I am scared of another human being.

I think it's to do with her seeming powerful in some way. She managed to contribute to a great big rupture in my marriage. Insurmountable. It still hurts. I don't want my husband back.

I listened to her saying 'boys will be boys' etc and just said "yes"

How is Mini to deal with this, when I can't?

I dread her more than I dread crazy woman. Yet I pander to her ego like everyone else. There have been brave moments when I've given my opinion but those were usually passive aggressive freak-outs ... shouted at her when I couldn't take any more.

I disappoint myself.

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos

Ex "friend" just stomped by sing/shouting ... "You're gonna die, you're gonna die" repeatedly

I think this is going to be her new 'thing' *fuck*

Closed the window.

Cars beeping at her cos she's in the middle of road.

M'off to hide again.

*sigh*

A week of bliss followed by a week of testing.

Jontheman's deleted

I miss Wee Wummin ... from ages ago

I miss Monkey Girl ... from ages ago too (wonder how the wedding went?)

I miss Slow Life ... although I didn't get on with his associates

Where do people go?

At least The Genius of Love (TM) is back

There's summat to be happy about

My son is banned from being around LW's son.

When he comes back from his dad's ... he is grounded (feck)

He'll get no pocket-money from his dad for the foreseeable future (again, feck)

It's a bad idea that my ex encourages involvement with guns.

He's a pinch away from having a police record

Boys.

Hmmm some boys.

Got the copy of the letter from shrink to GP today.

S'very good. Only one thing not true but it's a minor detail and not relevant to the need for CBT.

I'm going for my bath now, honest.

I've run my bath and I'm havin' a cuppa and a fag

have a toon ... then go to mybadthoughts.com cos it's hilarious

I AM
53%
FRENZYTake the Transformers Quiz

Frenzy

Frenzy is a chaotic spy turned boom box, sent by the Decepticons to infiltrate enemy strongholds.

Like Frenzy, you are not compassionate and harbor evil thoughts. Your leadership skills are weak at best. You will never be the commander of the Decepticons. In addition, you use technology when you need to, but you do not embrace the latest trends.

It was pouring again today, and I didn't sleep too well last night, woke with a slightly threatening back.

The wee yin slept in with me last night and because I changed from humungus KS 13.5 TOG duvet to double duvet with ?? TOG - but it's much lighter. The wee yin hasn't got used to it being smaller so we tussled with the duvet between us for most of the night

We'd been having a nice chat about loadsa stuff, so I had an early night, we chatted while I drank a cuppa and read a bit of my book. Why is radio 2 a bit crud at that time of night? We stuck a Travis CD on.

Woke when the post arrived .... *thud*

Purple Dragon kindly sent me a book ... but did I work that out? ... Did I feck

My pal, P, showed up at 11. I'm pointing at the postmark and being all bewildered till she opened the book and found a card from PD ... yes I'm a frickin numpty ... I won an award for it ok?

The wee yin went to his friend's house for the day, we drove to Asda & Tesco looking for school trousers for him. No sizes. No black trousers.

But I got some stripey socks ... for me and black adult-sized socks for him!!!!

Drove into town, got the trousers and a few bits n bobs, had lunch, sat down for lattes a coupla times (my mate's not feeling too great)

Phone call from the wee yin. *Bob* (not his real name, the kid Mini went to Ireland with) is in hospital with a broken jaw

He rode up the skateboard/BMX ramp and stopped halfway (cos he didn't cycle with enough power) fell backwards, twisted and whacked his jaw on the ramp He didn't have credit on his phone but Mini was able to phone 999 with it and the boy's mum works at the local hospital so she'd be contacted straight away. Mini cycled home and phoned my mobile.

Mad dash home with P telling me it'd be fine, kids get panicky and it might not be that bad. She was gonna run me to the hospital if need be. Phoned A & E and they let me speak to his mum. Badly bruised, being X-rayed, probably not broken *phew*

My bones felt like they were dissolving he's not even my kid!

Thank feck he's ok. How scary is it, eh?

Hello Doctor ... wanna know why I'm anxious? I have a BOY

Link: The what Proto-Goth Icon are you? Test written by anastasia_x on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Don't have time to catch up yet ...

but

Someone did a 'trackback' on one of my posts. It seems to be the new way to spam.

I'm leaving it on just now but I'll delete it later. Don't click the dude's name

like I did

Starbucking across the universe town

I know he's really well thought of, and he's worked with Zappa on some well cool projects in the past

but

I borrowed Trout Mask Replica from the library a while back and have been dodging the fecker when my media player's on random ever since.

It's abysmal.

Sorry.

I think I'm supposed to like it but it's shite. There are about 2 tracks* that are passable but that's it.

* 'Ella Guru' and 'Well'

*phew*

Glad I got that off my chest

I appear to have PMT after the event this month.

*glaring at Mini's Snickers Marathon in the fridge*

Yesterday he said ... "How did yer PMT go, mum?"

"I didn't get it this month!"

"So A can fix computers and PMT ... wow!"

*giggling into a cushion*

Fed-up feeling like a victim and behaving like a fuckin martyr.

That's what I said to the shrink. She nodded, knowingly, and smiled.

I've felt like that for years. It's nice to be free enough to voice it ... the most hated parts of myself.

Feeling fine, just struggling with being assertive

Oh ... and ... much as I love the swirly thing I miss my old avvie, so I'm bringing her back.

Saw Skills Coach

She really is cool. Very easy to talk to and knows her stuff

She decided that a letter to Learn Direct is worth a try, since they seem to be being rather too harsh ... but I soon realised that she hadn't realised just how harsh!

"So we start by saying that you'd completed most of the course ..."

"No no no ... all of the course."

"Eh?"

"I finished all of the course, but I sat the last exam ... passed ... then they realised when filling in the log book that I was 4 days past the allotted time for finishing."

"Yes ... I was ill that day and they suggested I put it off till another day but I said no, I just want to get it finished." - 97% too

... they hadn't filled in the dates on my log book, when I asked, worriedly, about the finish date they said "no don't worry, we're fine" kinda thing ... oh look it says 02/06/02 was the first exam ... they've done that in American dates cos I know I started in February! It makes it look like I started in June!

She was practically rubbing her hands at the thought of the letter ... and fighting my cause! It's a nice feeling ... that I did bluddy well under the circumstances and now someone was gonna stand up for me as I couldn't at the time.

A positive start to the day

loud and yell-y ............ quiet and modest
spilling emotions ........... gently leaking a word or two
blatant and thumpy ............ subtle and full of wit
defensive ...................... protective
reacting ....................... responding
respecting ..................... respecting
loving ......................... loving

ECDL news

I have to re-do the whole feckin thing again cos they've changed it. So, instead of just paying for 3 exams plus the study ... I have to pay for all 7. Not sure if it's worth it TBH.

It was going to be £90 each module plus £20 for the log book (£650) yeah right!

She's (library woman) whittled it down to -

Module 1 + 2 + log book = £37
Module 3 = £6
Modules 4, 5, 6, 7 = £90 each

Total = £403

If I can find a book to study with rather than do the coursework for the last 4 modules then I'll only have to pay £20 for each exam. The 6th and 7th ones will be a breeze. I got one thing wrong in each the last time ('power point' & 'web' modules)

I'm still a bit pissed off that Learn Direct are being so harsh about the 4 day over-spill

Oh well, I'll see what the Skills Coach says tomorrow

Reassured. Content. Relaxed. Bluddy sickening (lol) sorry

Today's been full of thoughts and a few phone calls. Mini, ex and Dad.

Mini
Me - Hi babe, what you been up to?
Him - watching the telly (lol)
Me - Naah, I mean how's your week been?
Him - Aw ok, we're going swimming again today ... I'll tell you when I see you
(basically, buzz off mum)

ex
Him - very brusque, information in clipped voice
Me - *poking* at him for being moody
Him - cleaning his gun, must get back to it

We had to sort out who was picking up the lads from the airport, we can't communicate with each other. Yes, that's right - I include myself in that. Baggage of too many arguments *sigh*

Dad
Me - Happy Birthday, auld yin
Lots of blethering about back spasms, stuff to research on the web (he's into herbal remedies) General chitchat about my holiday week

Sorta caught up with blogs but not really. Read all the private posts anyway.

Bacon & eggs for tea

Gentle day then

For Ladee B (the nicer Nando's) ...

The worst part of my day is ... getting up.

I love to ... eat

My favourite song is ... more often than not - a love song

My hero is ... my Gran, she was so laid back and I miss her.

The best part of my day is ... 7pm till 11 erm 12 *gulp* some time round about then

I hate to ... queue, take the bins out, deal with lie woman ... etc

My favourite room in the house is ... my bedroom ... no, not like that, it gets loads of light and isn't full of rubbish. I spend most of the day in the PC room though

* ok, I'm a bit crap at making decisions and I get all weirdo and panicky about choosing etc so if yer on my list and wanna do this - do it!

Happy. Tired. Brain telling me to sleep

Have all your mails saved to reply to. Just thought I'd say - although I know you won't begrudge me having a life this week and therefore not answering anything much *hug*

All is well

Food + sleep

See you soon

S'been hot here mateys

Had more of a tour today ... went to 'my' cafe Subway, sat in the park then sauntered along the river snapping a few more photies. Don't want the week to end

The hours flew by and the new Starbucks was shutting when we were gagging for a drink *gah*

I could sit by the riverside yacking forever.

Came home and watched a coupla dvds.

Got an email from bloggy buddy ... all's well, m'dear and thank you for yer very kind thoughts. Been skivin' from blog ya see Have 2 waves xx

This week has been blissful

Magi was right about the weather, it's been really warm, even when it's a bit cloudy. Perfect.

Had a lazy morning yesterday. Watched Monsters Inc, went to Nando's for lunch (totally delicious as ever) then on to the cinema for The Simpsons. Very giggly. Ate the whole bag of pick n mix that I said I'd not finish but would take home with me The cinema was pretty cold though and I'd woken so early that I nearly fell asleep!

Came home and watched Dogma till half-way through when all the z's were sweeping over my head *zonked*

Fully intended to get up early to go the The Orchards via town at roughly 10.30. Made it out the door just after 12.30

It wasn't mega hot early on today but by the time I was in Granchester it was utterly gorgeous. I love that place Had a lovely meal, loads of piccies and a nice stroll through Granchester Meadows.

The wee yin phoned yesterday to say he was having a great time had been swimming and is still friends with his friend (lol) Relieved that he's having such a good time too.

Here are some piccies from the day ...

Oh yeah ... this one was spotted in Paperchase, inside Borders, my bezzy mate saw this one for you, Nick ...

Didn't go anywhere far today. Read emails and a bit of blog. Re-did my CV. Wandered round some book shops then went to the local park for some sitting

Cooked a delicious red thai chicken curry and ate some mmmmmm choccy biccies lol

Here's a photie of some prettiness, from yesterday.

Today is mega sunny, so I'm hoping to make the most of it while I can. The Orchards? Who knows?

Fell asleep watching a film last night after all the wandrin'

Helloooooo

It's been gorgeous here today and I think I may just have caught the sun a little. My back is a lot better but I'm still being careful. Tiny small person answered the phone this morning, very excited about his flight - 10 minutes till the airport, mum! *bless* Hope their travel goes well.

I went out with my friend for most of the day today. Wandrin' - everywhere looks beautiful but the town is mega packed. Lots of photies and laying around in the sunshine next to the river, watching the amateur punters

Hope you are all well ... and can I just say .... please persuade Meno to stay. I love her, she's such a good friend and I don't think she realises how much we all love her.

'Whatever it is that happened' it's not a biggie, nothing can be big enough to drive you out of our hearts, don't let a misunderstanding drive you out of blog, hon xxxxxx

... my thumbs.

Dunno what to do with myself. Can't start cooking yet. The hoover can go *bleep* itself.

Uch ... I suppose I could do neopets, that'll pass the time a bit.

Why aren't you all posting?

I've gone blank on music to post too.

Mibbe less caffeine, eh?

Linky

This one doesn't relate to anything in my life at all, but ... that picture

Time goes so slowly sometimes

Change the bed linen ... check
Put washing on ... check
Clean bathroom(ish) ... check
Clean cooker ... check
Defrost freezer ... check
Clean kitchen ...
Hoover ... look stop nipping my head, I'll do it inna minute
Heal back ...
Go shops ... check
Clean PC room ... bwaahahahahaha *oh crap*
Procrastinate ... like I need to answer that one

I will need to lie down at some point (for my back) but I ... don't wanna

1

Go here for some amazing pictures, there are quite a few pages of them

PC alarm clock

---

Ten Reasons Gay Marriage is Un-American

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behaviour. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Back report - Slightly better but I had to up the dose of Valium to get moving. New pain killers have helped a bit. Walked for a while today and tired for it but at least I could walk today.

My pal, P, collected me and drove me to the Dr's to see shrink. She was excellent. Way better than counselling totally understood all and agrees that CBT is the way to go. Talking hasn't helped ... I need strategies to batter the negative feelings into submission. I'll be getting CBT from a psychologist at my GPs surgery and the waiting list is ... 8 weeks!!! *woohoo!* Waiting list for hospital is a year or more. The CBT I get will be only about 6 sessions but there's the option of being referred for more

I wish they'd taken my word for it before ... I'm not thick ... but hey ho they have to tick boxes etc.

Drove to town, had lattes, wandered round a bit, had lunch, bumped into loads of folk I'd not seen for ages and generally overdid it, as you do.

Have packed Mini's case (he's gone swimming with friends), tidied a little and am fairly exhausted. *gubs more painkillers*

Time for a cuppa.

Can I just say now, at the risk of sounding like a total loon ... I'm feeling mildly persecuted. I can't really talk to anyone about it but I just ask if you could pray for me (if yer that way inclined)

Couldn't go out with my pal today as the pain was still too much. She came over here after her hospital appointment

and brought 2 bags of goodies

Chicken drumsticks, spare ribs, posh crisp things, chocolate and fresh cream eclairs, clotted cream fudge and a swiss roll for the wee yin (it's one of the only cakes he'll eat)

She told me off for not having made a doctor's appointment for the back pain so I phoned for an emergency app. She ran me down there (oh cool, disabled parking space, no need to walk for miles)

The doctor was really nice, never seen her before must be a locum. Prescribed more Valium and told me to take it regularly (I was loathe to take it cos my mum was addicted for years) she says as long as I'm taking it for acute pain I won't get addicted. Also prescribed Voltarol and summat else to protect from the damage Voltarol can cause to yer stomach.

Pal drove me to chemist. *eek* Crazy woman sitting on the bench outside. I'd have to walk past her, I'm not feeling up to it. Pal positioned herself between me and crazy woman *bless* and we tried to walk by unnoticed. She spotted us but (strangely) didn't say anything. Mibbe she laid off me cos I was walking like a cripple?

Then pal took me into the shops to collect a few things. I felt so looked after and cared about When we got back Mini had returned home and ex was here to see him. He helped by being stern with Mini about his recent shenanigans (cinema and water bombs) and paid the money he owed me, so all in all it's been a rather pleasant day. Even with the pain.

Mini's wee pal is staying overnight then tomorrow Mini's off to ex's for the weekend and straight to Ireland on Monday. I'm very pleased about the latest news ... the father (who lives in Ireland) of the other boy, is flying over to escort them from England on the plane So I won't be worrying about airline stewards possibly being slack with the boys' well-being *phew*

3 sleeps

e Survey
You must answer every question TRUTHFULLY!!

[01] Do you still think about your ex?
Yes, he's my son's dad and I have to see him weekly.

[02] Have you ever been heartbroken?
Yes

03] What movie reminds you of your current boyfriend, girlfriend or ex?
Current ... Click

[04] How many times have you honestly thought you loved someone?
I've loved a few people, as for being in love ... watch this space

[05] Do you believe that everyone has a soul mate?
Yes

[06] What is your current relationship problem?
Distance

[07] Have you ever loved 2 people at the same time?
No

[08] Your thoughts of your best friend and your ex?
Totally love my best friend, my ex is ok but I wouldn't trust him with my heart

[09] Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend?
Yes

[10] Do you believe in second chances?
Yes, but I've been a bit of a sucker because of that

[11] Have u ever been kissed underneath the fire works?
No

[12] What is your favourite colour(s)?
Green, purple, silver

[14] Do you believe you only love once?
No, you grow with each relationship I think, which way you grow depends on your teachability

[15]Could u marry someone right now?
No, I'm not divorced yet

[16] At what age did you start noticing the opposite sex?
About 8 or 9

[17] What song reminds you of your ex or current boyfriend/girlfriend.
Hello

[18] Do you know someone who likes you?
Yes

[19] Do you like anyone?
Yes

[20] Do you care about someone who is not with you or know about your feelings?
No, well he's not with me he's 200 miles away but he knows only too well

When it all gets a little too real
I’ll be here
When you’re not really sure what to feel
I’ll be here

When we’re split in a million directions
We’re still us
When there’re memories of rejections
I’m still here, we’re still us
Titanium

*edit - opened the comments, specially for Flicky x

My back felt a little bit better when I woke but the sound of the woman next door doing baby-talk did make my head ache

Sitting at the PC is making the pain worse *frickin stoopid body*

Tried phoning library but they've not changed the pre-recorded message about being closed in July

Want to get loads of things done but think I'm gonna be pinned to the floor with my knees up

down boy, not meaning that ...

*meh*

must go lie down again

right ... house phone, mobile, cuppa tea, book, remotes, memories.

M'off to fix it.