Very different. Very dark. And BRILLIANT! Best episode *big grin* (cause this is from my mobi and won't emote.

(edited by Subs' personal assistant)

Won't be on for a while. My PC is dying. I'll be lucky if I get to post this before it crashes again.

See you later

This is annoying

PC on for about half an hour then blue-screens. I've switched no applications on, done nothing different.

I've tried de-fragging - it blue-screened

Tried scan disc - blue-screened

Unplugged external hard drive - blue-screened

Bluddy thing

Well, the boy toddled off with ex a wee while ago. I'll take the tree down today. Feels a bit crass having it there after all that's gone on.

Justify/feel guilty ... justify/feel guilty

Over and over.

Look at my house ... I have nothing to complain about, I feel so blessed.

Empty empty empty lives.

Battling again. Rattling again. Eat the blue one, virtually.

Fine. It's just 'a day in the life ...'

It'll pass. Fade. Be 'just a blog post' and distant memory.

I hope the girl's alright. Mini has me, and him. I don't know who she has now. She used to have me for support. Passing thought - maybe that was a problem to the mum?

Gah! Leave me alone, me.

No flowers, please

The Stacy & Bradley storyline makes me feel a bit down. I get so involved lol

They were doing so well, recovering. I'm a right sap for it

Is it the shared sense of excitement? Knowing that we are all preparing and getting excited about a similar thing?

Yeah I know a lot get fed-up with it, but it doesn't break the unity. If anything it enforces it. We're all part of this, we react differently but have the same needs. We get those needs met by different sources.

The need for community and sharing is there.

I don't feel 'brought down' by folk saying humbug, sometimes I feel like that too.

Oh I dunno ... swirly thoughts

M'ok. (had a small kerfuffle yesterday)

Woke with lovely phonecall, three lovely texts. Mini and his dad arrived at 9.30 ish.

Opened pressies. Joy

Pleasure mixed with guilt - ooh big surprise lol. Prison is, no doubt, a rubbish place to spend Christmas. She brought it on herself I guess. *shrug*

Risotto was lovely. Apple pie and custard was scrumptious. Posh biccies (a present) were nibbly.

Another lovely phonecall. (it's all a bit lovely, isn't it?)

Still shell-shocked. Happier.

Mini has invited a friend round later. He got Assassin's Creed and is desperate to play with other kids on it.

Bit tired. Going to play Destructo-Match 2

Lazy cow today

That's fine cos I'll be in work Thursday and Friday. No paid holidays cos I'm classed as S/E *eek*

Limped down to church yesterday afternoon. It was a later service, to be kind to everyone who needs a right good lie-in My stick really did help me getting down there. It takes me 30 minutes to walk there and usually I'm aching when I arrive. I wasn't yesterday

Parking was easy cos it was the first service. I'm usually on the 2nd one, when folk are leaving at the same time as others arriving and it can get a bit manic if there's a surge of 'oh-crap-we're-gonna-be-late' people (there always is) ...

"How many spaces you got down that end?"

"3 on this bit and 2 on the other bit I think" (not enough of us so I'm covering 2 positions) *arg*

Anyway, did that. Went into the service and it was jam-packed. No room at the gym. There's a 'back bit' with empty chairs so I sat there. They leave the doors open and put the 'back bit' speakers on, so I can see and hear what's happening (choir singing Christmas stuff and a spot of cool piano and trumpet) It's a bouncy church, not yer typical Church of England yawn place. (that's just my opinion, there are lots different types of churches cos there are lots of different types of folk) We have a funky band and choir who have released 2 CDs so far - they really are very good. I say this as someone who went to a church I didn't enjoy that much, 14 years ago, and stayed for 3 years cos the music was black gospel and truly kickin'. I'm fine about that, I'm looking at it retrospectively. This church is ace and has good music lol

Anyway, as it's the carol service there's no child-care. A few mums and babies came out, mums and toddlers, etc.... then folk who wanted to talk. I couldn't flippin hear it. Then my ex's GF walked past with her child ... and I decided to wander round to the bit for refreshments.

I'm still tiptoeing through this, emotions keep belting me and I don't know what to make of them at times. Ex went to church with her last week. Anyone who saw them will be 'thinking stuff', this week they will be looking at me and 'thinking stuff'. It all got a bit much. I was relieved when familiar faces turned up in the coffee room and I could busy myself with chat. Spoke to pastor's wife about Liverpool. They both come from there. They used to run a church there. Told her about the accents etc and she demonstrated how her accent goes back when she goes 'home' for a visit Class. I love her.

Anyway, had a great chat with some mates, then hobbled round the front, where my parking boss dude offered me a lift home Yay!

Mini arrived back on ex's bike (ex walked with him) cos the van has no MOT. Oops, bit of an oversight.

So that was my evening. Spent the rest of it listening to Mini talk about Mij, his ferret. I'll try to get him to video it eating an egg for Christmas cos it's truly hilarious and you need to watch lol.

He's been a blogger here since March 2006. He has 97 ... that's ninety seven friends. He's Welsh, but not gay. He is a photographic genius - photography seems to be a true love of his and has been for 40 years his hobby is teaching IT at the University of Wales and he used to work in the Navy.

He supports Newport RFC, is a keen cook (especially anything involving chillis), keeps Koi carp, is interested in history and he writes poetry!

From what I've read, he enjoys community and has loyal friends who know him well, and I think I'd like to become one

I've been having a look through his photos and he seems to like rusty things a fair bit which I'd read about before, since he's become a good friend of a friend His photos are outdoors, nature, landscapes, buildings and castles and they're beautiful. He often catches a poignant moment, which he shares with a social comment (which I really like)

He has 3 blogs ... his usual ... USKSIDER'S PHOTO BLOG gorgeous photos, go look

and this 2nd one ... saline drip which is about his memories from navy days

and this one ... A Little Something For The Weekend? which is a photographic teaser, guess the piccie (I hadn't seen this one before)

His Flickr site is here

and there's quite a few more links to other sites he belongs to too many for me to list

I'll just finish here with some photos that caught my eye *ouch* (only kidding)

And this is the man, himself ........

Go read, and feast yer eyes on those photies

Thanks, John, it was lovely viewing xxxxx

GO ON, you know you want to.

We used to have a silver Christmas tree when I was wee. It was over 6 foot and too tall for the room, so my mum cut a bit ... off the top

I can't find the photo that I know I have of that tree, so here's one - for Molty really - cos I told him I looked like the test card kid when I was weeeeeeeeeeeeee.

That proves it, Molts su therrrrr

Gawd this'll sound like a boast again but it's not.

I wanna say how frickin generous my bro has been today. He sent cheques to Mini and I for Christmas. No, it's not him being un-thinking and flip. He knows about the single parent stuff, being from that family himself.

Thank you, C. I truly love who you are ♥ ♥ ♥

Nicked from Faffa and Andy ...

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial and enormous.

3. When do you put up the tree? As early as I can get away with (mid Nov)

4. When do you take the tree down? Dunno. Mibbe end of Dec.

5. Do you like egg nog? Never tried it.

6. Favourite gift received as a child? A doll called Anna and her (posable) horse.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? No.

8. Hardest person to buy for? Dad and step-mum.

9. Easiest person to buy for? Mini.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither, this year

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A 12 inch plant pot

12. Favourite Christmas movie? The Grinch.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? December.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? No

15. Favourite thing to eat at Christmas? Anything I normally enjoy!

16. Clear or coloured lights? Coloured. Many, many colours.

17. Favourite Christmas song? Frank Sinatra/Doris Day type croon-y songs.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay at home.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? *tsk* Santa's not real y'know

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Neither, a robin.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Depends how late I stay up

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Miles.

23. Favourite ornament theme or colour? OMG don't be so sad!

24. Favourite for Christmas dinner? I'm not fussed, I had Spicy Veggie Lasagne one year.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? Him.

26. Who is most likely to respond to this? Me.

27. Who is least likely to respond to this? Well, I'd have thought folk that don't like Christmas very much but ... (see first line of post)

There will be quite a few of us bored sh*tless over the holidays.

I propose that we switch on our 'Im online' thingies in Settings so that we know there are folk around stepping over the tumbleweed.

Waddya think?

He sounds really really tired

Never heard him sounding so exhausted before.

Bluddy extra bits (extra time?)

*prays* travel safe

I've point blank refused to do a roast this year

We're having risotto

And apple pie n custard for after. Devon custard

I frickin love risotto, and it doesn't take 4 hours to cook!

I cook like I shop, it seems.

Mini won't eat risotto though, he's really not very adventurous. Although he did admit to trying sugar snap peas recently and now likes them. That is unusual for him. He'll prolly have pepperoni pizza and pasta, with some raw veg on the side, as per usual

Carbs boy. Maybe I'll do some home-made sauce? It's not as if I've exerted myself too much this year.

ok then

To Do List:-

• Buy tins of plum tomatoes and custard
• Clean house (a bit)
• Do Secret Santa
• Sort piles of paperwork
• Stop picking at chocolate stuff

The lad's staying at a friend's tonight. The house feels eerily quiet, quieter than it was last year

Hmmmmm

That gingerbread man I brought home from the Bucks that is Starry ...

was so feckin hard that it knocked a filling outta my tooth

Joy to the world blahblah blah blah

*shudder*

*click 'em if you can't read it*

You Should Have a Purple Christmas Tree

For you, the holidays represent a time of creativity and expression. There's no way you'd do something bland simply for tradition's sake. You are an independent person, and you definitely do the holidays your own way. And you're decadent enough to go way over the top with any unusual holiday ideas you have. Your purple tree would look great with: Purple lights and ornaments You should spend Christmas Eve watching: A Christmas Story What you should bake for Santa: "Kitchen sink" cookies - with a ton of things in them

PS ... to put this in yer blog you have to paste it into old editor, change to new editor, highlight all, select the paintbrush icon (clean up messy code), then switch back to old editor.

I faffed about a lot

edit

Here it is

I've finished

... till the 27th when I'll pop into office and check emails & phone messages. I don't mind, it's a 10 minute walk. On 28th I'll be doing some CVs. Then I'm not back till the 2nd.

When my boss came in this morning he had a *huge parcel. For me! *gobsmacked*

After the mildly desolate Christmas last year, this is turning out a bit more cheery. (apart from the hormones)

I actually pulled a muscle carrying the parcel back home lol. Dunno what it is but he said 'be careful' cos it's fragile!

Got home in time to receive a package sent through Firebox ...

*cut to 8am text*

"Oh, forgot to say ... don't open it x "

*befuddlement*

No idea what was meant but ... I bluddy do now!

... after I'd opened it

Well it was 8am and I was almost out of bed

*doofus*

Anyroads, thank you hon, sorry for being a numpty (again)

*I'm not boasting, I'm relishing nice stuff ... you've been here when I've moaned very loudly too y'know

This a pre-event apology.

I will most likely lose it this year. Very, very sorry to all those who may stumble upon this blog.

x

Something's been bothering me for a while, it doesn't swamp me all the time, just now and then.

I wish I could explain it properly but I don't think I could on here

I get mega upset when good friendships mess-up.

When I found out loony friend had a crush on my hubby it caused me to have a mini-breakdown. I was sobbing my way round offices, hoovering like it would clean the mess. It didn't.

Within the last 2 years I fucked-up a potentially good friendship with a bloke. Nothing physical. Not like that. But I messed up and it's hurt ever since. I'm not going to cry. Dammit.

When my mum's back went into spasm (she had a slipped disc) she used to say it felt like she couldn't shake her tail, when she tried to describe the feeling to the docs.

That's exactly what it feels like. Frozen.

But

It's gone now! Nearly All better

Wiggle.

Sometime in 2006 - a trolley

Yesterday - a walking stick

Today on Facebook - 'How Old Are You?' quiz ... seventy frickin five!!!

And I'm sat here, under a blanket quilt.

*meh*

Aw crap ... and I have such a dull life that I'm telling people on blog what is happening in my frickin Facebook

And

When I typed 'saddo' into Google Images, it came up with this ...

*kicks blog on way out*

Well, the Mooshy cushion arrived so I musta ordered it correctly. As is typical - it arrived when I was in the bath

*barely concealed Subz wrapped in not-quite-big-enough towel*

poor, poor postie

My pal P gave me a lift into town to post it. I cannot miss sending my aunt a Christmas present (again). My back was aching so I wore the TENS machine. The batteries were a bit gubbed the other day so when I put new ones in I discovered just how great it works on top form

After a wander through the crowds and standing in queues, the twisting was utterly killing me. I could hear folk 'tutting' behind me cos I wasn't quite fast enough in my dodging movements. Should I wear a sign?

There was nothing for it ...

I had to buy a walking stick *sob*

It felt really odd at first, but it's height adjustable and I've got it at the right support now.

Go on ... do yer best ....

I got a parcel.

I really want to open it.

But I won't.

Feck, I hate being well-behaved sometimes

Cancelled the CBT. My head hurts too much and I don't even want to think about the walk to the surgery with my stoopid back.

Woke with a woozy head due to the Valium. It's not helping at all. Only helps for immediate 'get out of spasm'.

Fecking fed-up with it TBH.

I thought I'd ordered summat the other night for my aunt, online. I've had no emails about it so I prolly didn't complete the deal - was tired.

This means I should go get the pressie from town so's it's posted in time but that means actually moving.

Did I mention I was fed-up? *fneugh*

This won't last, it's just pain depression. More frickin inhalations and I'll be right as rain (what a crud saying)

Moody cow.

Sorry I'll stop.

Here's where I grew up, in Paisley

There were loads of kids in my street and, mostly, they all played with each other. The two big hills behind my house were ace although in my opinion underused. There was a path between them, called 'the black path' A particular friend of mine, after the pub, would walk through here with a crowd of mates 'baaing' to each other like a ewe and her lost wee lambs when - as you do - they separated a bit in a drunken haze.

I had my first caerrie oot sitting on one of those hills, and no doubt one of my first trips *ahem*

That first hill is also the first, and only, place that my brother stood up for me when I was getting picked on.

Our garden was full of fruit. There was a plum tree planted too close to the house, it had a rope tying the top of it to the house. My cat, Piper, used to use it as a boing to get up to my mum's bedroom window, where she left muddy footprints all skidded down the glass as she made her way to peace and quiet and a comfy bed

The hedge at the back was redcurrants, blackcurrants and gooseberries. There was a big bent bit on the green diamond-shaped-wire fence where we climbed over as a short-cut. Rhubarb in the corner next to our short-cut, potatoes next to that and three bushes of raspberries opposite the back hedges.

mmmm raspberry jam, plum jam, just raspberries - nicked before mum got back from her school

The bald bit on the metal window frame where we used to hit it with a brick to make the catch jump and open. Standing on a bin doing this was kinda tricky sometimes The cats watched with awe!

*arg* a huge amount of memories flooding through but I'll stop there.

My back was out of spasm when I woke this morning, I put it down to the TENS machine that I had on all day yesterday rather than the Valium. Still very tender and jerky sore.

Got emergency appointment at doc's. Got a really nice doc today. She gave me more Valium, antibiotics for sinus thing, antacid things, anti-Ds. Mainly things that begin with ant really. I rattle when I walk.

Hung around cafe while they 'built' my prescription at the chemist. Got loads of foody type shopping things. Regretted it. Limped back home and am sitting here wrapped in a double quilt to cushion my back

Boss just phoned to ask how I am. Bless. He says I don't have to come in till Wednesday! That'll give me time to recover, although I'll miss the routine and banter.

*feeling cared about*

*revelling in it cos I'm more used to feeling sorry for myself and this makes a nice change*

And breathe!

Updated every Sunday