mmmm Swapped my latte/chai latte for a hot choccy with whipped cream and a choccy stirrer today

... and a panatonne (or however you spell it)

Me & P went out after I'd finished work. We had her friend's eldest son with us (he was a bit hacked-off) so we introduced him to the delights of 'a day off healthy eating'

Bought a book 'A Quiet Belief In Angels' by R.J. Ellory, a cute notepad with a picture of a (cartoon) bloke juggling stars, and summat else.

'Nother cake and cuppa

This time Earl Grey and a Custard Danish. I don't like to do things by halves.

Don't tell my boss

There's now another DVD of 4 episodes of Men In Trees waiting to be watched.

It's been a while since I last saw her, blethered for a good while. About mini-blog meet, Andy Mini and 'stuff in general'.

Oh. And the problems some folk are having (not me) at the office the boy works at

It's all very annoying and unfair, but I'm not getting dragged into it. I prefer when I don't know anything much about those things. I like it there (his office, kinda) Sorry for being mildly cryptic. It's no biggie. I'm caught between liking a place and hearing bad things

Aaaaanyway. Had a great day. Got a good book. All's well with the world.

except I miss being in his arms

When are yer next holidays, hon?

Mini broke a dinner plate.

I washed it before throwing it in the wheelie bin.

Is that normal?

Today was a bit of a palaver. Or I thought it would be

Quality standards folk were coming to do a thorough checking of our office, how we behave towards clients, etc. For my part they had to know whether I know what I'm doing and if I know who to ask if I don't.

We pay lots of money, they stick their logo on our cards and we have their recommendation.

All quite wearing for my boss to arrange really. It went very well today and she has another day of it tomorrow.

Also, it was my last day of CBT. I must say it has helped loads. I filled in a form for 'anxiety' at the start of this therapy and my score was 13, today it was 10. A slight improvement.

I filled in a form for 'depression' when I started - I scored 29, today it was .......... 9 !!!

{{{{{{{{NINE}}}}}}}}

Things feel a bit better then inside my dome.

Blimey!

Anyway, the whole lot together (and walking waaay down there and back again) did me in a wee bit.

Early night I think

I've just deleted bluddy loads of email notifications of blog comments

Feeling slightly guilty but more relieved than anything. I was trying to get round to answering them but ... I got a bit daunted by it

*soz*

So, if you commented any time since November and I hadn't replied ... please don't be offended. I just got a bit behind

Click to enlarge *ahem*

lol

pffft

A meme borrowed from CJ592. A snapshot of time

Now: 11ish pm Sunday

48 Hours Ago:

36 Hours Ago: Having a bath

24 Hours Ago: Watching Spirited Away and Belleville Rendez-vous

18 Hours Ago: Sleeping

12 Hours Ago: Erm ... possibly brekkie

6 Hours Ago: Hugging Andy at the train station

3 Hours Ago: Blogging

2 Hours Ago: Talking to Mini, watching telly with him

1 Hour Ago: Blogging

Now: Skype chat with Andy & blogging

1 Hour from now: Sleeping

2 Hours from now: Sleeping

3 Hours from now: Sleeping

6 Hours from now: And again ... sleeping (I hope)

12 Hours from now: At work, possibly phoning C.A.B.

18 Hours from now: Watching Emmerdale

24 Hours from now: Thinking about crashing out

36 Hours from now: Working with my other boss (aw crap it's the important interview with finance folk - *eep*)

48 Hours from now: Thinking about sleeping

HERE

It's been so nice. The trouble with good times is ... they get paused, temporarily.

*blows raspberry at time*

I'm fine really, but he's just gone off on the train.

Met Molty with a huge hug.

Met 'them two what left' with an even bigger hug cuz ...

Great Big Blog Announcement

They's got engagedamicated

There will be a photie of the big sparkley diamond when the genius of love™ gets back to a PC with decent editing software on it (all his photies are shot in RAW - don't ask me, I just nod)

We had a cuppa, chat and went towards the place-with-all-the-eateries-very-near-to-each-other.

"Ooh we've got photos of the inside of this Nando's!" *pointing*

"So where do we all want to go?"

*snigger*

"It's your celebration - you choose!"

Flicks - " How about Nando's then?"

(I love you, Flicky)

Had a lovely meal, finished off with dessert envy ... why didn't I get the cheesecake like everyone else? *doofus*

Loadsa giggles and chat back at mine, with hot choccy and chocolate lollies stirrers ... you have to get some. They've got them in Marks & Sparks now

We didn't drink cos they were driving and me & Flicky are lightweights I'm on great big tablets

Anyroads ... it was ace and if you'd like to congratulate them, Flicky's email address is ...

lol

I'll copy & paste all good wishes to them. Or you could write it on yer blog cos I bet they still read them

{mwah}

pssst I'm not telling you about the rest of my weekend

Woohoo!

Nearly 2 o'clock

*boing*

"I got rid of Graeme (aka GPUK / Graeme Phillips / GrayBags101). As a rather fetching bonus, I also got rid of Helly! YAY! I might come for your blog next, under one of my hilarious aliases - beware of all new users offering to be your friend, it might be me..."

from ... http://www.blog.co.uk/user/rustyrusty

It's been going on for far too long. I can understand it, to some degree. But I don't like what it does to people. There have been various disguises/aliases and to those of us who were around when it all kicked off at first, they're recognisable (mostly) but sometimes it takes a while to spot them.

They started off going on each other's blogs and being loud-mouthed outrageous characters. Then some bloggers got mouthy with them and they started having a tit-for-tat thing including said bloggers kinda petitioning for them to get kicked off blog. I think that's what started the nasty stuff.

Anyway, it got out of control and they started the alias thing and pretending to befriend folk. Then suddenly changing their profile back to lloydy and attacking.

It made me really fookin paranoid (well, more paranoid ) cos I was - well, I thought I was, good friends with one of them, who had stopped doing it. I miss him but I can't feel safe if someone does double-dealing stuff. Surprised I didn't get 'hit' by lloydy stuff though. Cos, let's face it, I'm an emotional wreck lol *easy target*

Mibbe they're waiting till I feel ok and off the tablets? I don't really trust anyone much.

Blah Blah mememe lol

Just ... be careful who you accept, that's all.

Oh look .... BLAH

I had my suspicions.

night night

tired

Went to work

Hoovered

Copied CBT notes into funny 'On The Couch' journal

Sent off my invoices to be means tested, with pleading covering letter

Written a list of stuff to do

Changed bedlinen

Shopping

Looked at the dust

Texted Molty about times n places

Had a bluddy weird dream about looking after kids at church, and a bloke from my past

Cleaned kitchen

Cleaned bathroom

Cleaned windows Paid Windae Cleaners to do it

Anything that gets cleaned will be part of the guided tour round my house ...

" ... and these are the shelves under the worktop ..."

Think I'll stop for a while. I feel like I look a fool a lot of the time and I get fairly fed-up with that.

Be back later

click, for a pop-up

*snigger*

I always wondered what it meant when Sarah Kennedy's listeners wrote in and said "SW's to you" at the end of the letter.

Don't look at me like that ... I set the radio alarm to go on at 7.00 to wake me gradually, then I get to hear Terry at 7.30 SK is a bit too twee for me.

Anyway, apparently it's because Steve Wright's listeners always say "Love the show, Steve" when they write in.

So SW's mean that ... 'love the show'.

Look, it bugged me for ages ok!? Maybe there are other folk with a brain like mine

More pain waffle.

As you know - for the past few days and nights I've been taking Valium regularly to ease my muscles. I stopped yesterday and last night was the first night without since last Friday. I expected to not sleep well, more of the tossing and turning from around 6am that's been plaguing me for quite a few months.

I slept like a log (?) ... overslept in fact. I believe this is because I'm still on strong enough pain relief. Therefore, for the past year or so the pain killers haven't been enough for a comfortable sleep.

Before this - I was a feckin professional sleeper always have been. The recent sleepless early hours were classed as 'just a bit uncomfortable' and because I had emotional thoughts during those hours I put it all down to it being 'normal' ... "oh I've just got a few issues to solve".

I like it when it all gets solved I have my answer now. So I'll be gubbing pills a bit more regularly from now on ... weaker ones than Tramadol but every 4 hours instead of trying to 'make do' without.

You don't get an award for 'being brave' and soldiering on

Honestly!

Andy Warhol said in 1968

"In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes."
This meme deals with your brush with fame:

Have you ever appeared on TV?
Briefly, about 12 years ago ... that Children's Song For Christmas thingy with Darren Day and Trisha ... I was in the audience supporting the kid who won it. Standing up, clapping like a maddie, wearing a disgusting beige beret

Ever been on the radio?
Only on Q103 requesting a Psychedelic Furs track

Do you have a friend who is famous?
Hmmm ... a few who were infamous (including my good bad self) but no famous ones I don't think.

Have you ever had your name in the papers?
When I had Mini

Have you ever been in trouble with the law?
Yes. Moving on ...

Any school friend gone on to be famous?
Doubtful. Although there were quite a few drama queens at the grammar school

5 things meme

5 Things Found In My Bag
1. Letter I haven't posted yet
2. Tissues
3. Tictacs
4. Black gel pen
5. Mobile

5 Things Found In My Wallet (purse)
1. Divvy card
2. Provisional licence
3. Hot Sausage Company loyalty card
4. Cashcard
5. £13.90

5 Things Found In My Room (I take it this means bedroom?)
1. Suitcases
2. Wicker chair
3. Oscillating fan
4. Digi radio
5. My teddy

5 Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do
1. Whistle using my fingers
2. Learn to drive
3. Be independent of state 'hand-outs'
4. Be able to cheer someone up when they're down
5. Speak Latin

5 Things I’m Currently Into
1. Andy
2. Blogging
3. Men In Trees (the programme, not ...)
4. Reading
5. Project 'Working Subz'

Bit dizzy, but only when I'm sitting still - not walking around. Must be one of the chemicals I've had to have recently

Must read the bumph that comes with the tablets really. I gave up reading side-effects ages ago. Hmm it can't be a side effect cos I've been taking these since Monday. Surely it woulda shown up before now?

I don't like my body. Never does as it's told.

*bleugh*

4 x 12 year olds in the living room playing COD 4 on Xbox. At least they aren't rude. A fairly respectful little crew.

Might go lie down and read my book. Went out without stick today and haven't had Valium since last night. Ooh! Maybe that's the dizzy-maker? Oh well, it's not unpleasant, just a little bit odd.

See ya later, m'off to read trashy novel

I won't write poems any more.

Lots of walking today (comparatively)

... to work - did loads of 'stuff'

... to CBT - did some crying, talking and answered tricky stuff (stuff that made me have to think) Jeez, the effort

... back home via the bank, cos Mini owed me a tenner and I'm a cruel, cruel mum

Feckin knackered, hips aching, but way better than I expected. The drugs are still working. I can cut down the Valium now as I woke with a headache - and that's a sure sign.

Finished the 4th instalment of Men In Trees. Took ages to catch up with friends latest posts.

I've run overtime - into Mini's PC time, but he hasn't noticed cos he's killing graphic-y folk n the livingroom.

Ah! I spoke wrote too soon. Gotta go now. He yelled.

See y' effter

Porridge, instead of toast. With salt, not sugar, honey or jam

Main meal during the day, light snack in evening to replace dinner

Drink more water

Use fajita wraps instead of bread

Go swimming twice per week

Use Lateral Thigh Trainer (thing that feels like yer skating - advertised on shopping channels all the frickin time) eventually, once my back sorts out a bit

No biscuits ... crackers and cheese as a treat sometimes

1 cake per week when I go out with P

More fruit (Tesco got the go-ahead to open 200 yards away, so I'll get fresher, cheaper produce)

More home-made food, been eating far too many micro meals

Build up being able to walk a bit further

Start using bike again

Dihydracodeine - didn't work.

Tramadol - we'll see.

HERE

P came round after church with a latte and bitta cake each. She also brought the Saturday papers for me and another dvd with 4 episodes of Men In Trees (joy)

My dad phoned too! I spoke to him and my step-mum yesterday and he was calling to see if I was ok

P reckons I should ask for stronger pain relief cos I can't move around as much as I need to, to loosen the muscles. The days of complete bedrest or lying on the floor are well & truly over for this type of pain. You have to move around so's you regain mobility quicker and don't damage yourself further.

I guess I won't be going to work then tomorrow

Burst into tears at the thought of being crippled regularly with this guff, letting people down, not being reliable and being so overwhelmed by pain that it's all I can frickin talk about.

I understand that the Valium can make you feel quite down too, but it's mostly the pain. I don't want to be crippled by this thing, it's been getting steadily worse for the past 2 years. My stick has become a close personal friend

Time to look at some toons, I think ...

Last night was a bit mad.

My back had been going wonky all day - it got worse as the day went on. Mini had been to the cinema to see that Golden Compass thing with Maxi and would be staying at Maxi's house after he collected his stuff for the weekend from here.

I was sitting here wishing I had a social life, stood up and tried to go through to make a cuppa ... *scream* *buckle* *land on the floor*

Mini and Maxi came through, all concerned. They brought my stick and I made it through to the living room doorway (4 steps lol) and buckled again! Fuck.

Almost heated discussion about why Mini didn't have to stay with me (from me) V's why I shouldn't be alone (him). I won.

After they'd gone I gingerly slid through to the PC room again, on my arse to phone Andy. "Phone the doctor!"

"But they don't like doing home visits!"

"Phone them!"

Anyway, they arrived and were really frickin nice - the doc and a student doc. Gave me Codeine, Voltarol (stronger, put somewhere dark) and a prescription for more pain relief. Apparently if there had been someone here with me I'd have been able to get an opiate injection I'm not sad about that from an ex-druggy position - it's just that the pain didn't go all frickin evening.

I reclined on the couch watching the latest instalments of Men In Trees that P had recorded for me, with a flask of tea by my side. What a palaver it was making that! My next-door-neighbours must be wondering WTF is going on in here! *screams and wails* lol

This morning when I got up the first time the pain was exactly the same. I had a couple hours more sleep and the second time wasn't so bad. Sitting at the PC makes it worse so I really need to go now. *sigh*

Sorry for not answering all the comments from the past few weeks, I've saved them in the inbox and will get round to it eventually.

Time for a bath, then back to bed with a book. Sick of this really.

Ex is collecting prescription for me later cos the chemist doesn't do home deliveries on a Saturday.

*ouch*

For a while now I've been expecting someone (in real life) to pounce on anything they could - waiting for an excuse to have a little dig.

They did today. In writing.

It's my own fault. Since I was expecting it I shoulda been ultra-strict with myself.

It's fuck-all to do with what they said it was to do with really. But I'll have to just let it flow.

Also, my back has frickin pinged again so I'm sat here alternating between vibration (fast) and heat + vibration (slow) ... with my back pillow that a kind gentleman sent me.

Strangely, this seems to be a tradition now, that I receive things that vibrate

I'm not that demanding, y'know!

One year my ex gave me a vibrating foot massager and a vibrating hair brush, for Christmas.

Things don't feel great today. I wish the clock would spin a bit quicker. I said clock. In just under a fortnight's time I shall see the genius of love™ not soon enough, so I shall phone him now. ♥

Has anyone noticed that - even when you've read a private post, it still says '1 new post' on yer front page?

Or is it just me?

Still dunno if this is working for me.