Subville

I deleted 6 months worth of ... being publicly ignored

No, I refuse to elaborate

but

my self-esteem has gone up a fair bit

I've been out today but I wasn't up to it. A half-hearted saunter into town.

It was good to be home. My glands hurt, face hurts, etc.

Everything looks dark but I know it's whatever infection I have. Trying not to feel depressively dramatic.

I hope Mini remembers our agreement. Being ill in a house full of his friends isn't much fun.

Tired of being ill.

Thanks for your good wishes, I'll feel them. x

The lad went on MSN earlier. Two of his mates were here. A girl added him. Aimee summat.

I'm saying - Who's that and do you know her?

Him - Yeah, she's on Bebo or summat

Me - Well which one, you must know

Him *checking Bebo account*

Hmm dunno, might be her ... oh no it's not

Meanwhile.

Me - look at her frickin avatar! She's half naked! Delete. Delete. Delete.

Aimee - Hi

Him - Hi A/S/L?

Aimee - asl

Aimee - god I'm so glad someone's on MSN at last, I've got my webcam on and I'm horny!

Me - tell her she's a skanky cow and to F off (mother of the year 2007)

Him - do you do that with everyone? you must be trashy etc *delete & block*

---

After some info from someone who knows about these things, I discover it's a robot which can't understand certain questions (hence the inability to answer the asl question) which then gives links to supposedly 'exciting' photos which is a website that gives out viruses!

---

Tonight

The boy comes in covered in blood.

There are roadworks on the bridge near our house. There are traffic lights on the bridge so only one lane is in use. Mini was going over on his bike, his cousin behind him on bike with no brakes. Cousin overtakes him on way down, smacks into him and he flies off his bike onto a car coming towards him! (As my boy went past the lights on this side they were green, they changed quicker than he got over so was met by the oncoming traffic)

Being a parent of a boy is scarier than being trapped in a room with 5 Rotties

MW phoned me "Hello, this is F______'s grandmother ..."

I said "Oh for Gawd's sake" and hung up.

But I wrote down the mobile number and the time of call

You Are Cayenne Pepper

You are very over the top and a bit overwhelming. You have a fiery personality, and you can give anyone a good jolt. You can easily take things up a couple notches, no matter what crowd you're running with.

For the past 4 hours or so I've had company

She belongs to my nephew. I don't know him very well at all but Mini stayed at his house last night. In-laws and angry-looking dogs

She's a big soppy git though. Really sweet. Dunno how old she is but when she stood on her back legs to look over the fence she looked as alert as a wee puppy

She's very loyal and I'm boring her. Where the hell are the we'ans?

It's been ridiculously hot in my bedroom every morning, even though I sleep with the windows open and the fan on all night.

Yesterday I was running my bath and (time management ) collecting all the dry washing from various places round the house. I got to the radiator in my bedroom, collected the tea towels and Wha??? the frickin radiator was burning full-on!

The heating has been switched off for frickin ages. But I remember this happening before. The valve is seized and the boiler is a bit confused

*arg*

I guess I should phone the council today then!

Bollocks. I forgot what a pain in the arse it is to re-install everything, or even just the connecting everything bit

I've kinda put-off sorting the PC since I got it back cos I knew I had to dust and hoover round the desk first. Then this crap ... faffing about with programmes, trying to remember where everything goes. I hate that the sign-in looks different. I want it to look the same as it did when I got the bloody thing.

I've lost so many programmes it's ridiculous. It was all the way I liked it, sorted.

Damn, it's too hot to give a crap

Was bored. Had a look in the 'discover' bit of google feed reader and found THIS

It looks mega useful. I'm not particularly techie and I suppose most of us on here aren't. There are loads of things I had no idea about.

Erm ... just thought you'd like to know

WANT

LINK

I'm about to start a book ...

Half A Yellow Sun

by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

It's a birthday present. I tend not to get books that tax me too much cos I get bored easily. Awkward names and such. But it's set in Nigeria and my aunt had read it then ordered the same book for me. She lived in Nigeria for ages with her Nigerian husband, till he got ill, came over here and died (the virus that travels up the spine and paralyses you)

The other book she got me was set in Edinburgh, just finished it. Was ok. Ian Rankin. I can see it as a TV series or a one-off.

I'll give this book a go. Hope it isn't tricky to relate to. The books she's given me before looked mildly naff till I got into them. I should trust her choices a bit more

Nighty night

Facebook has a new face. But I've just discovered that not everyone has been offered to change to the new look.

I knew it was on the way, my feed reader told me it also told me that today was the day. I logged in and there it was ... a thin blue bar along the top of the page. Try The New Look type a' thing. You can change back to the old look if you don't like it.

Andy says he hasn't got it thought. So I'm wondering if they're doing it bit by bit?

Have YOU got it?

2 cinnamon & raisin bagels with house brand philadelphia and earl grey to wash it down

A brie and grape baguette, followed by a raspberry and custard tart, along with some ... erm ... earl grey

A bowl of special k

I have made fruit crumble but have no custard for it *meh* so won't eat it till I have

I like birthday food. Even if my idea of a treat is ... favourite cereal

It wasn't sunny enough to go to the orchards but I don't care

Left to my own devices I would have done ... nothing whatsoever

Mini/Blud has a friend staying over to occupy him

Too bluddy humid

Hot and damp with no sunshine

Very very strange summer indeed

I remember this day, years ago, the sun was always splittin the rocks as my grannie would say

I may start some research on the pros and cons of living in some different countries

Got my pressie this morning (10 mins ago)

Lappie speakers, nosy folk

Thank you, baby

Mini is gonna hug you a lot when he sees you next.

I might give you a slight squish too

Dad sent me a cheque, cheers Da'

Haven't dried my hair yet or done my teef and P will be here @ 11

Better skidaddle

Gonna have a nice relaxing morning with the boy tomorrow. Cinnamon & Raisin Bagels with (cheapo version) Philadelphia. Will make a fruit crumble for us to have later on.

We're gonna watch The Pursuit of Happyness (why is it spelt like that?) and chill, till P comes round and we go for a wander somewhere (wherever)

We'll collect my PC, since she has a car.

I hope we don't go anywhere near the wool shop (again)

FYI (arg I hate that I typed that), I don't think I'm gonna be up to doing the Leeds trip. Feeling far too vulnerable right now. Sorry.

Must be a microwave or summat.

PC is fixed. Only cost £25 to fix it! Getting it back on Tuesday.

Glasses have been chosen and ordered. I get them on Friday. I may post photies, not sure. Got a good deal, cost less than I thought.

Found some cheapo three-quarter-length black trousers, so I can now wear my long stripy socks (red & grey) with pride It looks comical. That cheers me.

My spidey senses are parental radar is working well. Stopped some silly children from vacating a house in the middle of the night on Friday. They really aren't too clever about the world are they? *skelp*

I've discovered that using my stick can be a problem as well as a help. After using it to get around for a couple of days, I tried doing town without it today. My muscle tone on left hip is weakened already!

Olive ciabatta rolls for tea. With pate and cheese. Together. Mmmmm.

LINK

click for pop-up

I think it was you that I was looking for these for.

I knew I'd seen them somewhere

How stunning does she look?

What age is she again? 62? Good grief.

I think I'm gonna have to go

It. Hath. Begun.

In light of my last post and my excellent parenting skills

What do you think to me making Mini's new blogname as ... Blud?

It's one of the gangsta yoof names I can call him in all propriety

That sentence doesn't look right but I can't be arsed trying to make my brain work.

---

In bed with lappie, ER in the background cos there's no freeview up here.

Wishing my wee pal hadn't deleted {{{{{darkminds}}}}} but glad she's still contactable.

Ex boss offered to take me to lunch next Tuesday but P had already arranged summat (possibly lunch at the Orchards). So I'm to phone her and arrange a day. She's taking me to Brown's, posh place, for a birthday lunch. Nice.

They've just finished their contracts so will have more time on their hands. will be good to catch up. I like my ex bosses.

Aunt sent stuff today ... floaty top (nice colours), loads of crayfish stock cubes (shurrup, it's normal to me!), Ian Rankin's "Hide & Seek" and "Half A Yellow Sun" by someone with a very long name.

I think I might have to tell Blud about my birthday cos he'll be mega upset if it passes and he's forgotten.

Gawd, this is gonna be so horrendous and embarrassing

Please don't judge me too harshly.

I don't expect you to understand - everyone's different an' alla dat

But

I really want one of these ...

As was shown recently, I have an OCD thing about deleting email spam and trash can stuff.

In googlemail ... I can only empty the mails in the bin that don't have the present date on them. I will even 'select all' then untick the ones from today before deleting.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

BTW

Another visit from MW on Monday. This time Andy was here to witness all the crap. We'd woken hearing her screaming stuff in the streets surrounding my house. She started quite early. Mini is more bemused by it now than anything else, although I think he'd like to .. erm ... make her stop somehow too.

I spoke to her ... well yelled back at her and almost got through the BS she's telling herself. But as usual it didn't last long and she shouted so much there was no way of saying anything in return as she kept yelling non-stop so I couldn't make a point.

I'd like to stick her to a wall with masking tape over her gob and tell her where her perspective has gone fuckin doolally.

"No, I don't bloody know the woman you bought the car from, I just gave you the money!"

Sounds like a boast, it's really not. SHE brought it up as an accusation.

It does my head in. When I'm accused I need my right to reply. Otherwise just fuck off. Bloody coward.

Anyway, it almost wrecked the day we went to see Hancock and had lunch and later I cried over all the accusations and misunderstandings that hurt so much. The not-knowing stuff and the obvious slights.

So much trouble here and sometimes I think - did I bring this on myself? why am I so hated? I hope he doesn't come to regret ever getting involved with me. This stuff is a million miles from what I want in my life but it just won't leave me alone. There are runaway options but none are viable really.

*plod plod plod*

It must stop soon, pleeeease.

I had blood tests last Monday, they said it would take a week for the results to come back. On Thursday they sent a letter telling me to make an appointment as they'd returned already. *eep*

*worry*

Phoned them and booked app for this morning. Asked receptionist if she could tell me anything about it. "Well, I'm not a clinician ... basically for the first 5 tests it says NO ACTION, then on the 6th test it says lots of numbers and letters and that you have to make an appointment to speak to the doc. I can't read it cos I'm not trained, etc."

*more worry*

Aaaaanyway. Turns out it's just a low calcium count in my blood. Could be lack of sunshine, could be parathyroid not working properly. It makes sense that this is what it is, as it fits with the bone pains and burning feeling. I've to stop taking the Vitamin D3 tablets (so they can get a true reading) and go back for more tests next Friday. Phew. Not so worrying really.

This is fine ...

*worry*

tell ya later

might be nothing

Went into town (again) today with P

Tea in Costa, lunch in Carringtons, latte in other Costa.

Bought some plates (no I can't afford but I'm reckless foolish with money) in M & S. They were doing a 3 for 2 thing so they worked out cheaper than the same ones in Ikea. Now I can throw away those disgusting grey army-type plates we were given years ago (oh well, not that reckless then)

The Pound Shop is bloody brilliant. A big pack of Doritos for £1!!! And those Nestle Switch lattes for a £1

*joy*

Got my fringe trimmed cos I can't afford a hair cut yet. The good thing about my hairdresser (well apart from being totally ace with my hair) is that they cut the fringe for free between times - cool.

The lad has been warned about not bringing loads of wee pals round tomorrow night Can you picture me and Andy sitting there amongst dozens of 13 yr olds? *nightmare*

Besides, his legs take up half the room

Anyway, not long now .................

This game is doing my frickin dome in.

The noises are pathetic. Why oh why oh why has Mini borrowed this?

Anyone else have it/have kids who have it?

I need some empathy with these crud noises

I have dread. Don't ask.

---

Andy finished work today for nearly two weeks! Yo! 2 sleeps

I've never had a proper long distance relationship before. There was one, when I was 16, and it was a terrible relationship to start with. Made worse by the distance.

But this is joyous, exciting, frustrating, sweet, aggravating, interesting and wonderful! I want more ... gimme more! Lots of other things too but I'm rubbish at describing. Much as I enjoy words, I have a limited vocabulary and am none too great with words.

Usually round about this time I start getting incredibly fucked-off with Time. Everything d r a g s along like a deep dark winter in the Arctic. Numb. Waiting for sunshine. I want to hide under the quilt till the train's due. 48 hours.

Really must find something to do till then *sigh*

Reading a magazine, I looked down to the bottom corner of the right hand page looking for the clock.

*sigh*

Not long now till Andy visits

3 sleeps

It's been frickin aaaaaages, wish he could stay for a month or summat

I expect Mini will hijack him playing Xbox one night but next day he's off to his dad's and we're having a day at the beach. Hope it's better than the weather we're having now torrential rain on & off all day!

Got bloods taken today. won't find out the test results for a couple of weeks when all the tests are back. Checking for all sorts ... rheumatoid arthritis for one Dunno what else. If nothing shows I'll have to get an x ray

Ah well. Spoke to Flicky today on MSN. First time for flippin yonks. She's doing well, passed her last exams and going for another 6 month study on the next level. Leave messages on here, she'll deffo see them (and I'm crap at passing things on ... it's the lack of memory thing y'see)

*settling down for an evening of soaps*

Hope yer all ok

*Flashback*

Had a little snooze earlier on the couch. Pills still zonking me a bit.

Ex drops the lad home. "Ooh I'll have one of these thanks!"

"NO! They're mine!"

They both stood there gawping at me

P gave me sweets the other day I've been slowly but surely working my way through them. Love Hearts, Parma Violets, Lemon Orange and Cola boiled sweets, Dime Bar sweets.

They're mine ... mine I tell you! and woe betide anyone who forgets that

I should be embarrassed. I'm not.

It is someone's though.

* grass cutting
* hoovering
* hairdo app
* email my pal

Well I've done the rest and a bit more. The wee yin trotted off wi' his dad this morning. He got the presents from me early. He's well-chuffed. Especially the keyboard that snaps into the Xbox controller. He got money from most relatives so headed into town to buy clothes n stuff. Ex forgot to take him to the optician's app. Ah well. All three of us forget stuff so I can't moan about it. Mini forgot his mobile anyway, so it's been freakin me out all day (weird noisy ringtone) - I stuck it upstairs. I'll suss out how to switch it off soon

Three wee pals have been round looking for him so far and one has phoned. FFS he isn't HERE at weekends! Anyway, two of them took his old bike to fix up cos one of their wee mates got his bike nicked last night. They were all right gutted for him and spent ages looking for it. Vigilantes

I'm impressed that they're doing that for the wee guy cos he was a bit upset. My lad won't do anything with his old BMX so I'm glad someone will get use of it.

They all argue like brothers and I wanna smack their heads together but when it comes down to it they look out for each other. That's how it should be.

Wish I'd had that at his age, Sweet.

FUN

I miss all my music.

Miss hearing it with actual decibels.

Lappie speakers are so quiet and headphones bug me after a while.

*hmpph*

S'pose I'll go plug the other hard drive in.

Not enough room on this to have all my music, ya see.

Always summat

Forgot to say ...

had my very first (the first of many) Soy Latte today

I liked it so much I bought some soy milk to make some at home *yum*

I shall endeavour to write an ginormous email tomorrow

The boy likes Fugees!

Joy of joys.

Wish my great big jukebox PC was working, I'd blast him with a few more.

Mibbe I can plug MP3 into his Xbox later and tell him I have to test it while he's playing.

What? Well they keep burning my ears with (c)rap.

Anyroads, he's getting a CD as part of his b'day presents.

He's with ex over w/e so I hope he trails him round all the rellies. That's the one good thing about having a big family, eh?

At least I can send him a text on his birthday (morning) and see him later

Went into town today. Usual stuff. Got loads done though, all the bits & bobs I needed to get from chemist & Tesco. My mate brought me another dvd full of Men In Trees - woohoo! and a bag of sweets (LoveHearts & Parma Violets etc) *yum*

I mentioned long stripy socks and she's decided she's gonna knit some for me. I was thinking - aw naw! cos my aunt used to knit a lot and home-made stuff usually can't be worn outdoors. But she's promised they'll look normal.

Ah well, not in so much pain today. Wee yin has a friend staying over but they're oot playing just now so I better get started on the spag bol

Last night I swept away what I thought was a hair strand from my face.

*scream*

"My hand's covered in blood!"

Mini - It'll be a spot or summat

It wouldn't stop bleeding. I had to stick a plaster over my nose, a little like Adam Ant

Realised this morning that it was most likely a mozzie. That would explain the excessive blood loss.

Vampirous (?) wee git.

Must remember to shut the windaes at night.

Today has been vaguely productive, even with the pain. Which means the pills are starting to work. The nerve at the top of my left leg (front/running over hip joint) has stopped hurting just now, the one in my back is still bad.

A 'friend' (for want of a better word) has come back into my life, who makes me feel a bit cruddy. Side-snipes etc. I've tried cutting the strings but social politics makes it almost impossible. Poisonous drivel dressed as astute observations.

*puts armour on*

*sighs*

Oh well, nurse tomorrow for some tests. Seeing P on Friday for a catch-up.

Mad Woman was outside screaming earlier. She stays well back from my door now and up the street a wee bit. Clever. Still screaming the same stuff. Would like the chance to answer, to be able to reply. Accusers don't like you replying though. It's a control thing. It didn't depress me today, made me giggle a little bit. Just the absurdity of it all. It's better than crying lol.

Hope it's sunny tomorrow. Wanna cut the grass

New (prescribed) pain killers are making me feel a wee bit dizzy.

Going for a nanna nap

P.S. I did quite a lot of the list

* Weeding
* Mow the lawn
* Dishes
* Change the bedsheets
* A washing
* Hoover
* Pay phone bill
* App for free school meals
* Make hairdo appointment
* Breathe

M'off to read my Alexei Sayle book now. See you when I'm skiving the list tomorrow

It was .....

Submargarine

Saw the doctor today. She gave me Tramadol, which has only helped a little so far but I'm sure the effect will build up over time. I've to go back to get bloods done and 'other stuff' *eep*

Nearly forgot I had an optician's app today. My mobile reminded me.

Set out to arrive there at 11.20, turns out my app is 1.20 I suspect it was my mistake. Hung out at Starbucks for a while reading heat! and Psychology mags. Blocked out people's convs with my MP3.

Wandered round market and bought a tee shirt.

Apparently I'm getting more short-sighted. I could hardly see any of the lines they showed me on the card

Explained to the girl that I'm dead skint (when choosing new specs) and she was mega nice. There's another 'deal' starting in a couple of weeks that is better than the one they have now (half price sale) so I took my prescription and voucher and made my way up the stairs and out.

She appeared at my back, breathless, with a bag of free goodies. Lancome and Dior stuff and a jewellery roll!

All in all a really nice day.

My hip is still mega sore (it's nerve damage, running through my hip) but folk were so nice today I don't care

BTW - a few of you expressed concern about the tablets yesterday. Sorry if I sounded defensive, I know you care ♥ I never take stuff that might be addictive. Was offered heroin loads of times when younger but never did it because I knew it would relax me so much and I wouldn't want to stop.

Any strong pain killers are only ever taken by me for a very limited time. Promise. xxx