Subville

Went to town with P yesterday. Fry-up for lunch, wandered, latte and cheesecake. Got 2 DVDs (Juno and Seven Pounds) ... all films have to be ok for the wee yin too. Also got MJ's Greatest Hits on CD Impressed by the civil arrangements made by MJ's mum and Debbie Rowe. Glad they're looking out for those kids.

Finally got to AquaFit today as the sun was visible for a wee while. The last two Fridays have been torrential rain.

Both buses (can't walk it any more) were mega late, so I missed the first half of it

It wasn't till I came home that I realised the throat/gland thing I've been battling against ... is still there. Very sore head and achey throat.

That explains why I've been so down today, I suppose.

Really need to get a bathing costume with 'support'. Have looked in Bravissimo, Triumph and Evans. Can't find anything at all I like in my size.

Met niece, with 2 babies, as I was travelling. Lots of negative energy. Lie Woman's daughter. *shudder*

Slightly worried for ex's new wife. Health problems. Operation next month. Praying.

xxx

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H'lo

Has been minging weather here for the last coupla weeks but twas good anyroads.

Saw The Hangover (hilarious btw), went for many, many cakes lunches and one epic meal that he's already blogged about

Skipped pilates and Aquafit for the last fortnight ... loads of excuses, which one suits you best? Bucketing with rain? Tiredness? Aching joint sockets? lol

Have been training him for being my partner

... walk three paces behind, carry breeze blocks in yer bag to tone up for shopping expeditions, anticipate mood swings and need of cuppas ... he's passed all the tests so far, even the ones Mini put him through

My first 'signing-on' thing went ok, but 'they' didn't release my payment when they shoulda so I only got it yesterday. Have applied for several jobs, the last one being recommended by the girl at DSS. She printed it off for me and encouraged me loads, then I got home and realised the closing date was for the day before! ... applied anyway ... got an automated response saying "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Oh well. Keep calm and carry on. I've signed up for a few job websites, they're guff but it's worth a shot. Not worried.

Hope yer all doin' ok. I've not read much, just wee dribs n drabs xxx

P.S. He'll be on soon, I know you've been missing him. Soz x

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Thanks, yooz

Had an ace birthday. Now have blog block. Posts are over at Andy's place

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That is the right hand side of my PC monitor. I did summat stoopid last night, tried to print-screen it

This wee beastie was living inside my frickin monitor! It looks a bit still now but last night it was crawling all over the damn screen

click

From here
Via here

I don't like being wrong (well who does?)

But occasionally you welcome it.

For a long, long time I've been feeling quite negative about something. It upset me a great deal and I picked and chose from a variety of emotions, trying to deal with this 'truth'.

I have just been told I'm wrong! This person who told me is fairly wise, he's not steered me wrong even once.

My paranoia is such that if someone says a positive thing to me, I'll translate it to be something negative against me in the space of a few seconds. It's not deliberate, no-one would choose that, but most folk tend to think it's a choice. Maybe it was ... some years ago? I have no idea

All I know is that at some point, I began to 'realise' that what folk said to me was just a thinly-disguised way of ripping into me, humiliating me (and other things).

Here's a small example ...

someone telling me my filthy laugh was fuckin fantastic and infectious = when you laugh like that we all humour you and can't wait to get away, you're an embarrassment, no-one likes you ... etc etc.

Now it may be that that's the case but that's just an example of how it works. The CBT lady witnessed this first hand last year.

I'm a stubborn cow. Try changing my mind about 'what I think folk feel about me' and you'll come to know this.

That's why this latest little piece of news and my reaction to it, was so surprising.

But the person who told me was God. You may think otherwise and that is your right

Yesterday, three things made me think "What is God doing?" I was confused and automatically went on the defence. This morning I woke at 4ish with the thought running through my head that yesterday and one of those paranoiac moments all those years ago may have been just that. Paranoia, warped thinking, my the opposite-being-true theory!

So. Today, I am happy to consider myself wrong. Maybe that worry will naff off now? Maybe I can try to repair the damage I've done? (maybe I'm not that brave?)

Maybe the blinds have been removed from my eyes, even just a little bit(?) so that the messages that go into my stoopid brain stop being the opposite from what was intended.

I hope so, and all I have is hope ...

Please make me a bit better at comforting folk.

Cheers, ta

xx

There are two benches near my house where a certain annoying person sits.

1) dress like a ninja and hijack them during the night?

OR

2) borrow fluorescent-wear and pretend to be a council workie, during the day? *borrows electric saw*

... She'd get a chair, wouldn't she?

The fantasy will stay in my head. Till I get brave

Yippee! It's suddenly got sunny again

It was you what did it, it were

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MW to MW's BF - "you killed my daughta ... etc." X lots

Mini to MW's BF - " Are you ok? Just ignore it, it's bullshit"

MW to Mini - "He's my boyfriend ... where's your mum's fuckin boyfriend, eh? She hasn't got one cos she's so fuckin fat and ugly!" (etc)

Twat

MW - "Where's your dad's pencil bin then eh? Ask your mum where he is"

*Mini goes for her*

*MW utterly craps herself and bombs away*

Lovely.

I think he came straight back here. He looked flustered when he came in. He seems to like her boyfriend, since he witnessed me talking to him before and realised the guy isn't like her. He's a protective wee soul.

Annoyed.

Suppressing anger.

Yes, you have more demands on you now. That's not his fault.

Being late with his birthday present is one thing ... shouting at him for asking for it is quite another ... you didn't even go get a present ... is was CASH!

Then in the next breath going on about "have you cut the grass? I'm stopping your pocket money till you have".

Phone call ...

*moan, whinge, complain*

"Yes, it's an inconvenience when your child has a birthday, isn't it?" [/allotted sarcastic anger]

BTW

If you take phone calls in my house again, do not make squeaky kisses down the phone to her then make them to me through the air directly after.

Yes, you feel guilty for being an inconsiderate cunt. Do that in yer own time.

Blessed are those who make peace with spilled milk and mud, for of such is the kingdom of childhood.

Blessed is the parent who engages not in the comparison of his child with others, for precious unto each is the rhythm of his own growth.

Blessed are those who have learned to laugh, for it's the music of a child's world.

Blessed and mature are those who without anger can say 'No,' for comforting to a child is the security of firm decisions.

Blessed is the gift of consistency, for it brings heart's-ease in childhood.

Blessed are they who accept the awkwardness of growth, for they are aware of the choice between marred furnishings and damaged personalities.

Blessed are the teachable, for knowledge brings understanding and understanding brings love.

Blessed are the men and women, who in the midst of the unpromising mundane, give love, for they bestow the greatest of all gifts to each other, to their children, and, in an ever-widening circle, to their fellow men.

Marion E. Kinneman

I don't know you very well, but ...

I hope you're ok xxx

There's this balancing thing we do in pilates where you bend your knees and crouch ever so slightly, then gradually go up on yer toes. After that one we do it on one leg (I usually lean one hand on the wall at the side.

Today, I explained that it was tricky to do as I have wonky legs. Knock knees. I used to sit in a weird knock kneed position when I was wee, legs splayed out to either side.

Now I'd seen a programme years ago where someone had a similar thing that was causing them loads of pain. They had an operation to help correct the muscles/ligaments/whatever. I watched, thinking, oh well ... that'll never be me cos it isn't serious for me. I don't get excessive pain so I wouldn't get the surgery.

Apparently, I don't need surgery! I can do exercises to strengthen the muscles on my outer thigh and it will get fixed that way! This pleases me a lot I thought I was stuck with this forever. The trainer says it will have been contributing to my back pain for all these years. My body is totally out of alignment because of it!

HOPE!

I went to dog-sit, got sarnies on the way. Tried the key ... arg! It didn't fit! Last week when I went in, I sat the key on the side, noting that there was another key nearby *must remember to lift the right one*

Doofus.

Phoned and texted folk. The owner (my friend) phoned me back. She would try to get her mum to go over.

Fortunately, the dogs were ok. I've just phoned, the gran couldn't go check on the dogs ... the pup whimpered a bit when the son got home, then licked his face for 10 minutes solid.

I feel silly. x

(fingers crossed)

Sma' Shot Day

The festival came about as a result of a political battle fought between the weavers of Paisley and their employers, the manufacturers, in the 19th Century.

The Sma' (small) Shot was a cotton thread which bound all the colourful weft threads into the warps of the famous shawls.

However, the Sma' Shot was unseen in the finished garments and so the manufacturers, known locally as ‘corks’, refused to pay for the thread.

The weavers had no choice but to buy the thread themselves. Without it the shawls would fall apart and the weavers would not be paid for their work. A long dispute followed.

The Charleston drum, which was beaten through the streets of Paisley to summon the weavers in times of trouble, was beaten once again to rally the weavers in protest marches. After a long and hard struggle, the manufacturers backed down and the weavers were paid for the Sma’ Shot.

In 1856 the first Saturday in July, a traditional holiday for the weavers, was renamed Sma’ Shot Day in honour of the victory.

From that day and for many years, the Charleston drum was used to rally weavers and lead them to the departure point for their annual trip, usually “doon the watter” to Ayr.

The demise of the weaving industry, the introduction of the five day working week and a change in local government brought an end to Sma’ Shot Day in 1975, but in 1986 local councillors and the people of Paisley decided to revive this great tradition.

Since then, on the first Saturday of July, once more the beating of the Charleston drum rallies the people of Paisley to a gathering outside Paisley Town Hall, and a procession is held through the streets of Paisley, led by 'The Cork', an effigy of one of the manufacturers defeated by the Paisley weavers.

The burning of The Cork is the climax to 'The Sma' Shot Story'

ridiculously and inexplicably tired

see you after my quilt has secured me for a bit

Today was fine. Hot again. The blister pads work BTW.

The boy asked at the last minute (i.e. 3 days ago) for basketball gear instead of an Xbox game, for his birthday.

He asked his dad to get him a basketball and I'm supposed to get a top and shorts. Not any old top and shorts. NBA ... Miami Heat ... red or black ... Dwayne Wade.

The only place I could specify all that was footlocker dot com, in America. It was gonna be about $80 Fuck that.

I eventually found a website in UK with the top, anyroads. Only £20. It'll be late but *shrug*

Got him a webcam today. He's pleased. Don't worry, we've had the 'webcam talk'.

Made him his favourite for tea ... meatballs and spaghetti, with home made sauce. Except I cheated and got M & S passata with added garlic and olive oil. It's waaaaaaaay better than my home made sauce, lemme tell ya. I just added a touch of honey, is all. Major Nom. He doesn't like cakes *weirdo* so I got him strawberry laces

Tomorrow I sign-on for the first time in about 15 years. Bleugh.

Wednesday is pilates and doggies day.

Thursday is Starbux day, and Friday is AquaFit.

Oh yeah. A daft memory ... we used to call Scholls ... Skolls. You had to call them Skolls even if you knew how to pronounce it, or folk would think you were 'up yerself' Anyone who wore them for any length of time - the strap would get a bit loose, their feet would slip through and cling onto the front of the shaped blocks of wood bikini-clogs. How did we manage before flipflops?

Tutti Frutti

Is being released on 3rd August. Woohoo!

My mum knew the writer, she was at art school with him.

He's a very naughty boy indeed

And I never knew that about Tilda Swinton

The pain and guilt went on and on and on, then one day I realised in the depths of my soul that I'd done nothing wrong!

That's when it stopped.

Swiped from Xenon 

SEVEN THINGS YOU WILL FIND IN YOUR ROOM:

1) Andy
1) Hairdryer
2) pilates ball
3) lots of hats (they're Mini's, I don't know where to put them now)
4) A cuddly wolf
5) A suitcase
6) A squishy rug
7) KS bed

SEVEN RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS:

1) Do You Like Anyone? Yes
2) Does Someone Like You? Yes
3) Last Kiss? A few weeks ago
4) Been Lead Led On? Yes
5) Been Cheated On? Yes
6) Want A Relationship? Have one
7) Want to Get Married? Probably, gimme a chance!

SEVEN OTHER THINGS - DO YOU ...

1) Believe In God? Yes
2) Had A Dream Come True? No
3) Read The Newspaper? Online
4) Get Enough Sleep Everyday? Mostly
5) Have A Best Friend? Yes
6) Take A Bath Daily? Yes, every morning
7) Wish On Stars? No

SEVEN HAVE YOU EVERS

1) Fallen In Love? Yes
2) Kissed Someone Of The Same Sex? No
3) Hooked Up With Someone Who Had A BF/GF? Yes
4) Been To A Bonfire? Yes
5) Ran Away From Home? Yes
6) Played Strip Poker? No
7) Pulled An All Nighter? Yes

SEVEN THINGS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU:

1) Cried? Yes
2) Had Fun? No
3) Been Kissed? No
4) Felt Stupid? Yes
5) Talked To An Ex? Yes
6) Missed Someone? Yes
7) Listened To Music? Yes

SEVEN THINGS ON YOUR MIND:

1) Andy's visit in 9 days time
2) Mini's birthday (today)
3) Michael Jackson
4) Green Dam (WTF is going on?)
5) MoodGym (online CBT)
6) My cold (I woke at 4ish with my nose streaming)
7) God

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:

1) Earl Grey
2) My mobile
3) PC/lappie
4) Pills (pain relief and anti-D's)
5) Books
6) Hope
7) Love, in its many forms

Here

1) I once grabbed a girl's tits on the way out of a nightclub

2) I once fell asleep inside a speaker at Mayfair, a reggae club in Glasgow

3) I was once mistaken for a prozzie

Ha!

1) I did once grab a girl's tits on the way out a nightclub It was an accident, Occifer, honest. We were in a queueueue to get out the club and I tripped over someone's handbag. She was in front of me and I'm sure she thought I did it on purpose. But that's cos I'm a paranoid wreck

2) My mate, Peter the barman, crashed out in a speaker at Mayfair. I think he'd been speeding and was on a come-down

3) Yip. I was with my mum, coming out of a station in Glasgow's west end, I was wearing a skirt and fishnets.

Older bloke - Have ye got the time, love?
Me - No, I don't have a watch.
O.B. - *staring intently* - Have you got the time?
Mum - *grabbing me away* - He thinks you're selling it!

Me -

So. Nick & Mon. Yer right - it was 2

At the gym, where I do my pilates and aquafit, they're doing a promotional thing just now to get folk active.

Their slogan is summat like Forever Active - 30 minutes, 5 times per week inside a logo of circles. The logo is all over the place at the gym, on leaflets and posters, etc.

The woman I talk to most when I go there is lovely. A larger lady, of pensionable age (just) and a frickin riot! Our trainer often has a red face wi' some of the things she comes out with.

Wednesday was the best one for a while, and I really needed it. The lifeguards have to wear yellow polo shirts and red shorts. The tees have a picture on the back. Of the logo. Some wear them, some wear the old style without the logo.

*cue copyrighted filthy laugh*

"Are you GP referral too?"

"Turn round ... oh this one isn't!"

"Are you Forever Active?"

"Is it Forever Active?"

Gawd. I'm so old

Oldies picking on poor defenceless young 'uns

I wasn't gonna bother cos I couldn't think of anything particularly interesting, but am bored.

1) I once grabbed a girl's tits on the way out of a nightclub

2) I once fell asleep inside a speaker at Mayfair, a reggae club in Glasgow

3) I was once mistaken for a prozzie

Guess the lie. I'll tell ya tomorrow.

Something to amuse you while I'm out. As in, out the house

Me & my bloke have very differing opinions on MJ's death. You lot feel differently too. That's ok

I've been utterly gob-smacked this whole week. Firstly, by Michael's death. Then by the interest in it (I'm not surprised at all NOW), and thirdly by the folk creeping outta the woodwork with stories.

There's a few reasons it's been the first thing I think of when I get up interested me. Obviously, I feel for him because of the damage done to his ego, his SELF. How do you deal with something so painful while you're immensely talented and (it feels like) the whole world is watching your every move.

I believe he was so damaged that he looked to children, the ones he felt were pure and not vindictive. He was paranoid, scared of other adults because he'd been sheltered to some extent and could never know what they really want with all the hangers-on. Not to mention the physical and emotional abuse. He soon learnt that children when led by greedy adults can become vindictive. That must've battered his head in a bit. I DON'T believe he was a paedo. Doesn't matter what anyone says. I don't believe it. If I'm wrong ... we'll never know. Bite me.

It breaks my heart seeing all the things that could've gone another way, a better way. I reckon a lot are following the story because of that.

He was another human. It all went wrong. I think that's about it really.

Don't we all know someone who went through hellish stuff, got fucked up but smiled through the pain and tried to find ways to make it better? Obviously, I admire that, I'm a moody cow

Isn't fair.

(please don't shout at me)

Did pilates.

Sat on doggies. They're a right laugh, so therapeutic. I still smell of doggy licks.

Oot again tomorrow.

I think the connection for my vibrating cushion is jiggered. Got a new adaptor. AC to AC, right connections, right polarity thingy. Nothing

Works with batteries though. Maplins are pretty cool so I'll take the adaptor back tomorrow.

I was wondering ... what do you all have on your Sky+ box. Obviously I mean the folk that have one.

My list goes:-

Mr Deeds
Shaun of the Dead
Dogma
The Chronicles of Narnia
Ray
Little Miss Sunshine
Amelie
The Da Vinci Code
Snatch
Omid Djalili
Glastonbury 2009
Glastonbury 2009
The Wright Stuff
Madonna: Sticky & Sweet Tour (not recorded yet)

I'm just nosy